


But I Think I'm Lost Without You

by bobby_sunsetswerve



Series: And I use the pain 'cause it's part of me [1]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: 1990's, AU, Bobby is Not Trevor Wilson, Bobby | Trevor Wilson Defense Squad, Character Death, Found Family, Ghosts, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Multi, No beta we die like Sunset Curve, Platonic Soulmates, Polyamory, Post-Canon, References to Depression, Rose and Bobby friendship, Sunset Curve (Julie and The Phantoms), Sunset Curve has four members
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:15:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28853397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobby_sunsetswerve/pseuds/bobby_sunsetswerve
Summary: Blowing the thick layer of dust off the top, she runs her pointer finger along the Sunset Curve logo etched into the dark wood.Moving on, she trails her finger down to a smaller line of engravings, four names in cursive under the logo.Luke. Bobby. Alex. Reggie.--Or; Julie finds a box in the studio filled with items and mementos belonging to Sunset Curve and the band learns about what happened to their surviving member.
Relationships: Alex Mercer & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie Peters, Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Rose, Bobby | Trevor Wilson/Alex Mercer/Luke Patterson/Reggie Peters
Series: And I use the pain 'cause it's part of me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2117193
Comments: 54
Kudos: 159





	1. Sunset Curve

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the first-ever fic I've written for the Julie and The Phantoms fandom so I hope you guys like it. 
> 
> Some things I have changed from Canon, so here are some story notes that might not be explained in the fic:
> 
> 1) Bobby and Trevor Wilson are two separate people, Trevor is Bobby's cousin who was the same age as him and the boys. Trevor stole Sunset Curves songs in 2000. Carrie is Bobby's niece. 
> 
> 2) The boys did still go to Caleb, and they did still get stamped by him but not so they could get revenge on Trevor. They went because they wanted to figure out why they're different from other ghosts and they thought he could tell them. 
> 
> 3) Luke and Julie don't have romantic chemistry. They're platonic friends and musical soulmates, that's all. In the words of Luke, he has chemistry with everyone he sings with. 
> 
> 4) Willie and Alex are friends, not potential boyfriends. Julie can see him now, Willie is friends with Luke and Reggie too just because I think they'd like him and Willie needs more friends who aren't Caleb. 
> 
> 5) Speaking of Caleb, I'm not going to continue on with the possessing Nick storyline just because I don't want to and I think Caleb is evil enough without hurting Julie's friends.

Julie walked into the studio that day with a single-minded purpose and determination, and that was to finally clean and declutter the studio loft. 

She’d been meaning to do it since the guys proofed into her life screaming and bringing a whirlwind of music back into her soul. But now they were a permanent fixture in her life, and even ghosts need a place to stay. So, she was on her way to force the guys to help her clean. 

The big white doors of the studio were open a little to let the morning breeze through, so she walked in to see a familiar sight. She saw Reggie and Luke both sat on the couch with their respective instruments and Luke’s songbook. She then turned and found Alex sat on the other chair, with his eyes closed and his head bobbing to the guitar’s twangs and melodies. 

“Hey,” Julie announces, bringing the guy's attention over to her. They each smile at her, greeting her back. “Time to put those away boys, we have some cleaning to do.” 

The three responding groans make her want to smile, but she tries to stay stern despite the twitching of her lips. 

“Do we have to? Why would we clean when we can just jam out?” Luke proclaims, jumping up and playing a great guitar riff that makes Julie itch to do just as he says, but she remains firm in her goal. 

“Why do we have to clean the studio anyway?” Alex interrupts before Luke heads down music rant road. Julie looks to him and reminds herself how thankful she is that Alex is, however small, the sensible one. 

“Because, the space in the loft needs to be cleared for a bed and some draws. “Julie replies, earning looks of confusion from the boys. 

“Why would you need a bed in here? What’s wrong with your bedroom?” Reggie wonders aloud, looking adorably confused, like a puppy. 

Julie chuckles, shaking her head at her boy’s confusion. “It’s not for me, it’s for you guys. You guys can’t keep sleeping on the pull-out couch, or whatever ghosts do. Dad agrees with me, so we need to clear out the loft for some space.” Julie explains, watching the boy’s expressions change from confusion to gratitude and love. 

Her dad’s introduction to the guys was as funny as it was nerve-wracking. Julie had expected her dad to suddenly cart her off to Dr. Turner the entire time she had explained her experience with the guys but thankfully, like with Flynn, he had believed her after an impromptu performance which ended with him spilling his drink down his shirt when three teenage boys popped into existence in his living room. 

He had been happy with letting the boys stay in the studio when they explained their situation, but he was less happy with the condition they were living in. So she and her dad had come up with the idea of converting the loft into a make-shift bedroom for the guys. 

She knew they would have no problems with sharing a bed together, as they had been doing since they came to her and most likely long before they died. 

Julie was snapped out of her wandering thoughts by the sudden feeling of being hugged in three directions. None the less, she squeezed her boy’s back just as hard. Hugs had been a constant part of their routine since the Orpheum. Now that she could touch them, hugging each other had become a sort of lifeline for them. 

“Thank you.” Reggie smiles, Luke and Alex nodding their appreciation into her hair. She simply smiles gently back, pulling him back into their group hug, squeezing him softly before stepping back, the ghost’s doing the same. 

“You’re welcome,” Julie says, before clapping her hands to get back on track. “alright, we need to clear the loft. We should sort things into piles of stuff to keep, donate, and bin. Let’s go.” 

She and the boys scramble up to the loft to start, and for the next couple hours, the studio is filled with sounds of music, the thumping of objects, and the loud laughter as they clean out the loft space. 

Eventually, it’s just Julie left up in the loft, sweeping some leftover dust as the boys take out the piles of rubbish and donation boxes. When Julie bends down with a dustpan to clean up the dirt pile, she sees something poking out the wall in her peripheral vision. 

She turns and sees what she thought was something sticking out of the wall was actually a loose wall panel. Curiously, she drops her brush and wanders over to the wall, dropping to her knees and tapping the panel to hear a hollow sound echo. Julie reached down and tries to pry the panel off with both her hands, succeeding after a minute of fighting with the wall. 

When she moves the panel and peaks into the hole, all she can see is a wooden box about the size of a shoebox in there. Cautiously, she reached into the hole and grasps the box, pulling it out. 

When the light hits the lid of the box, she gasps quietly and nearly drops it in surprise. Blowing the thick layer of dust off the top, she runs her pointer finger along the Sunset Curve logo etched into the dark wood. She marvels at the coincidence of her uncovering a box regarding her ghost’s old band. 

Moving on, she trails her finger down to a smaller line of engravings, four names in cursive under the logo. 

_Luke. Bobby. Alex. Reggie._

Julie snapped out of her thoughts by the sounds of the boy’s filing back into the studio, arguing playfully about some old movie. She decides to finish her cleaning later, picking up the box and walking down the stairs to where Luke and Reggie are arguing about which Jurassic Park movie is the best, while Alex watches on in exasperated amusement. 

“Guys?” She calls, going unheard over Reggie’s argument of the first being the classic best. “Guys!” She says louder, halting the _clearly_ life-altering debate. 

“I found this behind a wall panel in the loft.” She starts, holding out the box for them to see clearly. “Did you know this was up there?” She asks, watching their expressions turning serious as they move closer to observe the box with their old band logo. 

“I had no clue,” Luke murmurs, looking at the box with curiosity and confusion. “Did you two?” he asks, Alex and Reggie shaking their heads, also looking confused. 

“What’s in it?” Alex asks, reaching up to adjust his hat nervously. 

“I don’t know, I haven’t looked. I just found it and brought it down.” Julie explains, moving to sit on the couch, the guy’s following her. Luke and Alex drop down on each side of her while Reggie sits down on the red bean bag she brought for him. They each just stare at the box like it has all the answers for a couple of minutes before Reggie seems to get sick of the silent waiting and reaches forward for the box, pulling it onto his lap. 

They each hold their breaths, though she doesn’t know why the boys do as they don’t need to breathe, as Reggie flips open the lid and peers inside. 

“Oh,” He breaths, his eyes tearing, and his face turns pained. 

“What is it?” Luke questions, growing concerned while Reggie sniffles. 

Reggie doesn’t say anything, except to sniffle again as he reaches into the box and pulls out an old, ragged navy-blue sweatshirt. Julie doesn’t understand the reaction it gets and turns to see if Luke and Alex understand either, but she sees by the way that Alex hangs his head and Luke rubs his suddenly red eyes that this is something that means a lot to them. 

She gives them all a moment to themselves before asking as gently as she could, “What does it mean?”

Luke sniffles, his lips turned down into a sad frown as he answers. “It belonged to Bobby.” He reveals, his eyes turning sadly nostalgic. “It was his favourite sweatshirt, but we all liked to wear it when we were having a bad day.” 

Bobby Wilson. She’d heard about Bobby, not in a lot of depth because when he was brought up, the room became tense with sorrow and the boys got sad. They had each told her a bit about him, and she could tell by their memories that they were as close with him as they were with each other. She knew their death must have hit him hard, one day your friends are there and suddenly, they’re all gone. 

One thing she knew about him was that he had a cousin, a Trevor Wilson. Trevor was a famous musician who had become world-famous on songs he stole from Sunset Curve, from Luke, something that still infuriated her ghosts. They had no idea how he had gotten their songs in the first place, but the boys had figured he’d found an old song notebook of Luke’s.

She knew they had searched for Bobby, only to come up empty. After 1997, Bobby Wilson was nowhere to be found. They’d been devastated by the news, figuring he had moved on and hidden himself from the world. 

“So, this box belonged… to Bobby?” She guessed, looking to Alex.

“It must be, I don’t know anyone who could have put the box here. No one except for us knew we used this studio.” Alex told her, playing with the rings on his fingers nervously. She reaches over, grasping his hand, and then again with Luke’s.

“Okay,” She murmured, turning back to Reggie who had brought the sweatshirt up to his face and was hugging it to his body with tears trickling down his cheeks. “Reggie, are you okay?” She asks, watching him nod his head. 

He brings his face up, smiling a little. “I’m okay, I just- I just forgotten what he smelt like.” He sniffles, leaning over to hand the sweater to Luke who grasps it with gentle hands, running them over the fabric softly. 

Reggie reaches back into the box, pulling out a pair of drumsticks this time. He gives a wet chuckle, handing them out to Alex who now has tears running down his face as well. She looks over and sees him running his thumb over an engraving in pink, the letters _Alex Mercer_ on both sticks. She nudges him gently with her shoulder, silently asking if he’s okay. 

He gives a shaky nod, smiling despite his sadness, and looks over to Luke who had pulled on the jumper, wrapping his arms around himself like a shield. She just offers them comfort through physical touch, squeezing their hands. 

Reggie pulls out a few more items, a silver chain necklace with three dog tags and a ring on it. Reggie sits there for a moment, running his thumb over the ring, then hands the necklace over to Luke. 

She looks over to see the dog tags each have something engraved on them, but she can’t properly see what they say. Luke moves to pull the necklace over his head, the ring and dog tags thumping down on his chest. 

“Can I?” She whispers, releasing his hand and reaching for the chain around his neck. He nods twice, his eyes shining with tears and warmth. She reads each tag, which all have a Sunset Curve logo on the back and a name and date on the other side. _Bobby Wilson, March 16th, 1978. Alex Mercer, July 7th, 1977. Reggie Peters, December 21st, 1977._

“The guys got me the dog tags for Christmas after I ran away, I got the chain from my parents the birthday before and they wanted me to have something to put on it.” He explains quietly, though she can tell the other boys are listening. “The ring belonged to Bobby. Reggie saw it in a thrift store one day and thought he would love it.” 

She grasps the ring then, inspecting the thick silver band. It’s a simple ring, with a twisting pattern all around it. “It’s pretty Reggie, great choice.” She compliments, watching Reggie flush at her words. He smiles at them, reaching into the box again and coming out with a small black notebook. 

He looks at it for a second, before a laugh erupts from his mouth. The laugh is so happy and amazed that it startles the three on the couch. 

“What?” Luke asks, perplexed by the sudden mood swing. “What is it?”

“It’s my country songbook.” Reggie stammers, his laugh becoming hysterical before fading into sobs. Before she can blink, Alex and Luke are off the couch and wrapping their arms around Reggie, comforting him while his sobs trail off into soft gasps and whines. 

“You alright Reg?” Alex asks, rubbing a hand down Reggie’s back as he calms down. 

“Yeah, I’m just surprised he kept it.” Reggie chuckles quietly, leaning more into Luke’s shoulder. “He always humored me and my country songs.” He sniffles. “God, I miss him.” 

“Me too.” Luke and Alex echoed, reaching for each other’s hands over Reggie’s lap. 

“I mean, it’s only been a few months for us, but it’s been years for him.” Reggie croaks, looking downcast. 

Luke and Alex don’t say anything, just hug him closer, their own expressions mirroring Reggie’s as they group cuddle. 

After a few minutes of crying and being sad together, they sit up and look to the couch to realize Julie isn’t there anymore. 

“Julie?” Reggie calls, looking around the studio, the others doing the same. 

She pops up from a corner of the room, holding a black and blue blanket in her arms. She walks back over, dropping the blanket onto Reggie’s lap before sitting back down on the couch. 

“Sorry, I just wanted to give you guys a little space to grieve together. I went and got the comfort blanket.” She told, looking sheepish. 

Reggie gives her a grateful smile. “You don’t have to give us space Julie, you're part of our family too.” 

She smiles warmly at them, reaching over and grabbing the box from Reggie’s lap. “How about you have a break from looking in here?” she suggests. 

Reggie nods and they all move back to the couch, all four squeezing around each other as Julie reaches into the box and pulls out a stack of polaroids held together by a ribbon. She carefully unties the ribbon, lifting the first polaroid for them to see, and gasps. 

“Oh my god,” she whispers, her voice shaking. “That’s my mom.”


	2. Polaroids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julie holds the picture gingerly, like something precious as she gazes down at the polaroid picture of her mother, younger than she ever saw her, grinning happily with her arms entwined with a dark-haired teen. 
> 
> \--
> 
> Or: Julie and the guys find a stack of polaroids, memories of a life gone by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't have a set schedule for writing and posting but good news, I have got most of this fic planned out, which is great so far. I have ideas of where each chapter is going, just need the time to write them out. 
> 
> I only have a couple of notes for this chapter: 
> 
> 1) The album name on the CD that the band finds come from Lewis Capaldi's album name, which is 'Divinely Uninspired To A Hellish Extent'. I felt like this is something Bobby would use for an album because he thinks he's edgy and cool (when in reality he's sad and soft).
> 
> 2) The song tracklist on said album isn't mine, those song titles belong to Julie and the Phantoms and other artists which you'll find out more about in the next chapters.
> 
> Enjoy :)

“What? Really?” Alex exclaims, leaning forward to look closer at the picture in her hands. “Oh my god, that’s Bobby.”

Julie holds the picture gingerly, like something precious as she gazes down at the polaroid picture of her mother, younger than she ever saw her, grinning happily with her arms entwined with a dark-haired teen. Her eyes hungrily drink in the sight of her mother, young and carefree before moving on to the boy, Bobby. 

She’d never seen a clear photo of him before, but if she had to guess what he looked like, she would have said this was it. He was scrawny and young, looking like hell come to life but he still had that ghost of a smile on his lips. She reads the writing on the bottom of the polaroid, _‘Rose and Bobby, 1996’_

“Hold on, is that –“ Luke starts to say, looking a little alarmed. 

“Size beautiful.” She hears Reggie whisper, causing her head to turn to him in surprise. He looks a little shell shocked and vaguely horrified, still clutching his country songbook to his chest. 

“What?” she asks, looking between her boys who each start to stammer nervously. 

“Your mom used to work at the Orpheum, we met her the night we died. Reggie, Luke and Bobby were flirting with her.” Alex explains, shock giving way to slight amusement. 

“Oh, gross.” Julie groans, her mind conjuring up images of anyone other than her dad flirting with her mom. She shudders at the idea, earning a laugh from them. 

“In our defense, we didn’t exactly know she was your mom.” Luke defends, grinning in the way he does when gets his way.

“Yeah, okay. Still weird though.” Julie mutters, moving on to the next picture. 

This one was just of Bobby, reclining back in a chair, dressed in black from his shirt to his combat boots, looking relaxed with a book in his lap and glasses framing his eyes. She sees her mother’s writing in the caption, this one making her giggle, the boys echoing with their own chuckles. _‘he knows how to read? 1996’_

Alex reaches and pulls the photo from her hand, caressing the image of Bobby with his thumb, looking nostalgic and mournful. “God, he looks the same but still so different.” He mumbles. 

Julie sees what he means, while Bobby looks relaxed in the photo, he still looks like he’s never slept a day in his life, he’s skinny, abnormally so and his expression, smooth but tense say he’s not as relaxed as he seems. 

They keep going through the polaroids, each with their own captions, finding they go back from after the boy’s death to years before. There’s more of her mom and Bobby, even a few of her dad as well. The three of them at the beach _(Sun and Sand, 1997)_ , Bobby sleeping on a couch, his face smothered against the cushion and calm _(Sleeping Bobby, 1996)_ , one of the three of them, each wearing their own version of a Sunset Curve T-Shirt. Bobby’s had been cut off into a muscle tee, Rose wearing her own bedazzled shirt while Ray wears a normal version of the shirt. The caption reads _(Sunset Curve Fan Club, 1997)_

The boys each chime in with their own thoughts and memories while they go through the pictures, all with varying levels of emotions. They range from happy to depressed to amused. 

There’s one that she stops on, snickering at the dopey happy expressions of Sunset Curve. The four of them are squeezed into the shot, Bobby in the middle with his hands in the rocker sign, an exasperated expression and Alex smirking on his right side, leaning against him with Reggie on his left grinning widely. That leaves Luke, who seemed to have jumped on top of Bobby, half his body hanging over his shoulders and head with a gigantic smile on his face. The caption reads, _‘Book Club Gig of 1994’._

“You guys look happy.” Julie comments, not for the first time feeling that crushing sadness because she remembers that her boys, while here with her, are dead. They were young and happy, and talented and they died before they could really get to live their lives to the fullest. They had another, someone they had that special bond with as well and he was left alone to deal with that grief and loneliness of living on without his friends. 

“We were,” Luke utters, and it strikes Julie as strange because Luke isn’t quiet. Luke’s loud, and passionate and he has this aura about him that makes you feel alive, and she doesn’t like the sight of his sad eyes and trembling lips. “We knew we wouldn’t get much out of the gig, but it was something, so we played it like we were on a stage in front of the world. It was worth it, because when we finished we all felt that happy high from playing music together.”

Julie feels the emotion building in her, that kind of emotion where you can feel that strength of love from someone else and it resonates with you in a way that makes your chest feel heavy and your eyes teary. She’s happy she gets to know, at least somewhat, what her boys felt for each other. 

She picks up another photo, one of two boys both with black hair sitting on the sandy beach with the sunset fading around them. She reads the caption and hands it off to Reggie, who smiles down at the image. _‘Bonding on the Beach with R and B, 1995’._

“I remember this,” Reggie comments tearfully. “That day my parents had been fighting for hours and I was just _so tired_. I called Bobby and he came right over; he took me out of the house and we just sat on the beach watching the sunset for hours. I felt calm for the first time in what felt like days, eventually I fell right asleep on his shoulder.” 

“He sounds like an amazing friend.” Julie says, reaching over to squeeze Reggie’s free hand, bringing his eyes up to hers. 

“He was.” He whispers, a tear dropping from his eye and down his cheek. He quickly wipes it, straightening himself out. 

“Hey, look at this one.” Alex quietly interrupts, picking up one and showing it to them. 

It’s just Luke and Bobby, Luke with his head thrown back in gleeful laughter while Bobby looks down at him, his expression open and tender, and so, so loving. Julie feels like she’s intruding on an intimate moment because Bobby’s expression reminds her of the way her mom used to look at her dad, so happy and in love. The only caption is a heart and a date _‘February 1995’._

“Bobby…” Luke chokes, reaching for the photo with trembling hands and a face full of tears. “I miss him, I miss him.” He sobs, shaking his head and curling into himself. Reggie moves himself closer, pulling Luke’s body into his, rocking him gently, and running his hands through his hair softly till he calms down enough to breathe properly. 

“I know you miss him; we all do.” Alex starts, reaching over and pulling Luke and Reggie into a hug with Julie. He gives a wobbly smile on the verge of falling into a frown but still continues. “I just hope he’s out there somewhere, finally happy.” 

Luke nods, his tears still falling but his sobs trailing off. “I hope he kept making music, you know? Keeping our dream alive.” He sniffles. 

“He probably did, he loved it just as much as we do.” Reggie huffs a laugh. “Though no one more than Luke.” This earns a giggle from Luke. 

Alex smiles, shifting out of the hug to reach for another photo. Julie sees his drumsticks peeking out of his pink jumper pocket. He leans back, a polaroid in his hands. They all move closer to see it, a picture of Alex and Bobby. They’re on the floor, surrounded by pillows and blankets, an acoustic guitar on the floor next to them. Alex is sitting behind Bobby, a shy smile on his face as he looks at the camera and his arms around Bobby’s torso. Bobby’s got his eyes closed, a blissful smile on his face. He looks like he’s on cloud nine, a stark contrast from the tense Bobby in the polaroid years later. 

Alex sighs heavily, reading the caption aloud. “Cuddles with Alex and Bobby, 1995.” 

“It’s a good photo.” Luke comments, his voice a little raspy from the crying. 

“Yeah, it is,” Alex whispers, still staring at it. He suddenly looks up at Julie, his eyes bright. “Can we- can we please put these up in the loft?” He asks quietly, but it’s loud in the silent studio. 

“Of course, it’s your space now. I can help you hang them up if you’d like, we can decorate the wall with them.” Julie offers, earning another hug and exclamations of gratitude. She laughs at their joy, and they spend the next few minutes taking a break and just coming up with ways to decorate the loft. 

They shift through the last of the photos, just ones of the boys, young teens, and the age they died as. There are photos of them cuddling together, playing and making music together, being dumb together. There’s a particular photo of Luke and Reggie being idiots with a shopping cart that she loves, and one of Alex teaching Bobby to play his drums, Bobby sitting in his lap with a pair of drumsticks and a concentrated look on his face that she wants to keep for herself. 

There are some more sad ones, like one of Luke and Alex sitting next to a small Christmas tree in the studio that she knows was taken after he ran away and one of Reggie with a big cast on his arm, covered in drawings that she had a feeling was because of his family. 

“They don’t go past 1997.” Julie realizes, voicing her thoughts aloud. “I wonder what happened.”

They come to the last polaroid, a picture of the four boys smiling happily at the camera, with their arms around each other on a large stage. From the background and the clothes they’re wearing in the photo, Julie has a feeling she knows when this was taken. Those are the clothes the boys were wearing when she met them. Her eyes well up and her sight begins to blur, but she can still make out the caption, _‘We’re gonna be legends. The Orpheum, July 1995.’_

“This was the last photo we ever took. It was just before our soundcheck the night we were meant to play the Orpheum.” Alex whispers, tears in his eyes as well. 

They cry together, at the lives they lost and the friend they left behind. 

“Can you tell me about him?” Julie whispers into the silent studio. 

For the next hour or so, the boys tell her tales of the last surviving member of Sunset Curve, the boy who was quiet and kind, but passionate and protective. Who loved his boys and who was loved deeply in return. They tell her of moments shared in the silence of bedrooms, and in the chaos of a classroom. Of a boy and his grandparents who cared for them like they were their own, whose house she grew up in. They tell her of a boy who loved the guitar, who loved reading and art, and loved his friends even more. 

“- and he just started laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world. It wasn’t really but the sound of Bobby laughing, that was an amazing sound.” Luke finishes his story, his voice wistful and distant like he was remembering what it was like to live in that moment. 

Julie craned her neck to face him, he was staring up at the roof with a smile while tears trickled down the sides of his face. While they told their stories, they had migrated to the floor, which they covered in blankets and pillows to make a little comfort area. They were all lying on the blankets, cuddled up with each other. She was lying with her head on Luke’s stomach while Alex had his head on hers, his legs over Reggie’s who was leaning against Luke’s shoulder. And in the moment, they were one. 

She studies his face for a moment, thinking over her thoughts. “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” She murmurs to him, keeping her voice warm and gentle as to not scare him. 

She can feel Alex tense, and she sees Reggie start to withdraw out of her peripheral vision. Luke just calmly looks down at her, his eyes afraid but still tender. 

“We all are. We’re in love with each other.” He whispers just as quietly, pulling Reggie back to him and smoothing a hand down Alex’s arm to calm him. “We love him, and we didn’t get to tell him before we died.”

“I’m sorry.” She sympathizes, smiling to try and ease his fear. She sees by the way they all start to relax again that it worked. “If it’s any consolation, I think he loved you guys too.” She voices, bringing their gazes to her. 

“You really think so?” Alex asks shyly, and she remembers his anxieties, and Reggie’s hesitation with speaking his own feelings, the way Luke gives a little bit of himself to everyone he knows to prove his devotion. She remembers their home lives, and the time period they were born in and she realizes why they might’ve not told Bobby of their feelings. They were afraid they were wrong, that they might’ve read too far into something, they were afraid they might ruin their friendship and the band. They were afraid of what would happen if they told Bobby of their feelings. 

“I do.” She answers, smiling up at the ceiling and remembering the way her parents loved each other. The way her dad still, and forever will, loves her mom. “I can see it in the way he looks at you guys in the pictures, I can almost feel it. I saw it in the way my mom and dad were around each other, and he definitely loved you all.”

There’s silence for a few moments, and when she looks at them, they’re smiling happily, sad but happily. “Thank you.” Reggie whispers. 

“You’re welcome.” She replies quietly, picking up the picture of her parents and Bobby in their Sunset Curve shirts just to gaze at them, happy and free. 

“Come on,” Julie heaves herself into a sitting position. “We should put these back before they get lost or ruined.” She says, starting to gather the photos into a pile. 

The boys help her, and after she’s tied them all back together with the ribbon, she goes to put them back in the box. She halts her action before she does, reaching into the box for the last couple of items they missed. 

She pulls out a CD case and an old, worn envelope with the name _Rosie_ written on it. 

“Mom?” she whispers, tracing the letters of the ink. 

She moves back over to the cuddle pile, showing the items to the boys who sit back up to look at them. She observes the CD case first, the boys looking over her shoulder. There’s not much on the cover, a simple drawing of a broken heart with a title and name scrawled over it. _‘Divinely Uninspired To A Hellish Extent – Bobby Wilson’._

“He made a CD?” Alex wonders aloud. “What are the tracks on it?” 

She flips the CD case over to look at the track index. There’s not much there, a few tracks that she recognizes from the Sunset Curve Demo, there are a few songs with names next to them. Three songs, each dedicated to Alex, Reggie, and Luke. There’s another one that makes her sit a little straighter.

_For my boys – love Bobby  
1\. Now or Never (acoustic)  
2\. My Name Is Luke (acoustic)  
3\. Stand Tall w/ Rose  
4\. Before you go - For Alex  
5\. Ghost of You - for Luke  
6\. Youth - For Reggie  
7\. Four of Us _

“He made an album for you guys.” She realizes, looking up at their shocked faces. She’d known that Stand Tall was a song her mom had worked on before, which she and Luke helped finish but she hadn’t known Bobby had also written it. 

“He also wrote a letter for my mom.” She says, tearing up and holding up the ragged envelope. 

“Do you think we can listen to the CD first?” Reggie asks, looking up hopefully when she stands. 

Instead of answering, she moves over the keep pile they made hours ago and digs around for the old portable CD player she got from her mom a few years ago. She walks back over to the guys who were staring at her curiously before dropping down, CD player in her arms. 

“Let’s do it.” She exclaims, reaching for the disk. She puts it in, pressing play and they anxiously wait for the music to start, before the whirling sound of the CD starts and a piano melody fills the studio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, should be posting again soon, probably in about a week. 
> 
> Don't forget to leave a comment or kudos if you can. 
> 
> Thank you for reading ( :


	3. Divinely Uninspired to a Hellish Extent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Take off, last stop, countdown ‘til we blast open the top, face first, full charge, electric hammer to the heart,”_ the boy sang quietly, his voice was shaky and hesitant, the piano still playing that slow climbing melody. 
> 
> \--
> 
> Or; Julie and her phantoms listen to the first three tracks of Bobby's CD, not for the first time cursing their deaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's three down, however many more to go. I'm hoping to get two more chapters done this week, so keep an eye out for those.
> 
> I've also decided that I'm gonna try this as a series, so look forward to that. I do have ideas for the next couple of fics. 
> 
> Some story notes I have for you:
> 
> 1) 'Now or Never' and 'Stand Tall' song credits go to Julie and the Phantoms on Netflix, you should watch it ;)
> 
> 2) Because I'm rubbish at lyrics and music, the credits for the little verse of 'My Name is Luke' belong to @Aesthetically_Angsty from her fic 'The Discography of Trevor (Bobby) Wilson'. Thanks girl (:

At first, all you can hear in the studio is quiet breathing and the soft slow melody of a piano. Julie just closes her eyes and tries to fall into the music. For the first couple of seconds, she doesn’t recognize the melody, until she does. Bobby's changed the cords for the hyped-up song to a slow piano sound.

“He changed the arrangement!” Luke huffs indignantly, crossing his arms with a pout. “That song is supposed to be a rock, not an acous –“

Before he can continue, a male voice sang from the CD player. His voice was rough, like he’d been screaming for hours and slightly shaky, but still extremely talented. He had a voice that made it clear why he was in a band with her boys. Luke’s posture deflates at the sound, and he just gazes blankly into space. 

_“Take off, last stop, countdown ‘til we blast open the top, face first, full charge, electric hammer to the heart,”_ the boy sang quietly, his voice was shaky and hesitant, the piano still playing that slow climbing melody.

Julie almost missed the hand reaching for her own, turning to look at Reggie whose eye’s hadn’t left the CD player but who’s hand was scrambling for comfort. She grasps his hand firmly, giving him a comforting squeeze. 

_“Clocks move forward, but we don’t get older, no, kept on climbing, ‘till our stars collided, and all the times we fell behind, were just the keys to paradise…”_

The new melody of the song was done with great care and precision, the keys perfectly matching with the electric version, Julie noted absentmindedly as she looks over to where Luke had pulled Alex into a hug, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, and burying his face in Alex's shoulder. 

_“Don’t look down, ‘cause we’re still rising up right now, and even if we hit the ground, we’ll still fly, keep dreaming like we’ll live forever, but live it like it’s now or never,”_

They continue like this till the end of the song, just sitting quietly in the comfort of each other as Bobby’s voice washes over them, singing beautifully. His voice builds up so it’s no longer hesitant but strong. 

_“Keep dreaming like we’ll live forever,”_ His voice cracks, going shaky again before picking up for the ending. _“But live it like it’s now or never, it’s now or never…”_ He holds the end note, trailing off before the track finishes.

She pauses the CD before the next track can start, looking to the guys to see if they’re alright. Luke sniffles, sitting up and releasing Alex from his hold, who sits up with him, rubbing his eyes. 

“Okay, I like what he did with it.” Luke whispers, his hand fiddling with Bobby’s ring on his necklace. Quiet laughs are the response he gets before the room goes quiet again. 

“He’s really good.” Julie voices, trying to get rid of the silence in the room.

“Yeah, he is,” Alex agrees, ginning smugly. “I found him.” He teases, turning to Julie. 

“What?! You liar –“ Reggie gasps in exaggeration over Luke’s indignant. “No you didn’t, we all found him.”

Luke turns to Julie, his expression twisted childishly. "We were together when we heard him singing a Nirvana cover in the music room at school in the 6th grade, we decided to invite him to be our friend later that day."

Julie laughs at them, halting their argument. “I’m sure he would have found you guys if you hadn’t found him.” She says, causing their faces to go from pouty to gleeful. 

“Yeah, I think so too.” Luke says, his smile beaming then turning wistful. "Bobby belonged with us."

“Do you wanna listen to the next song?” She asks, smiling gently and looking between them. After getting confirmation from each of them, she presses play on the CD player. 

“He better not have changed this song too much. ‘My name is Luke’ was an anthem.” She hears Luke mutter quietly, though she ignores him and just sits back to listen. 

While the song is a little more upbeat than the Now or Never acoustic version, Julie can tell it’s not the same as how Luke intended it. It’s got an electric guitar and some light drums, but it’s not heavily done. It sounds more like a ballad than an anthem. 

_“When the days knock me down, and it feels like there’s no way out, I just remember my dream of the blinding stage lights, you’ll shout my name, and I know I’ll make it someday…”_ Bobby holds the note, dragging it out until the track comes to an end.

Julie pauses the disk again, turning to Luke who had tears in his eyes. “How was it? Up your standards?” She teases, bumping her shoulder into his.

He huffs a laugh, bumping her right back. “Yeah, he did great things with it.” He admits, softly smiling. “You know, Bobby used to help me write Sunset Curve’s songs. I’ll admit, sometimes I don’t always know what I want to say, so Bobby helped me a lot with that. Well so did Reggie and Alex, but most Bobby.” 

“He was good like that, English and poetry were his favourite subjects.” Reggie remembers, snorting a laugh. “He tried to tutor me and Luke in English but that was a lost cause.” 

“What, did Luke spend the entire time writing lyrics?” Julie teases, trying to lighten the mood. 

“Pff no…” Luke scoffs, trying not to meet Julie’s eyes. “Okay, fine. But they were good lyrics.” He admits defeat when Julie raises an eyebrow suspiciously. 

The room erupts with laughter from the others while Luke’s cheeks flush red. 

“Okay,” Julie giggles, “let’s listen to the next song.” 

“Which one’s that?” Alex questions, his laughs trailing off. 

“Oh, it’s Stand Tall. With my mom.” Julie mutters, looking down at her lap to avoid their eyes this time. To be honest with herself, she hadn't listened to any video's or recordings of her mom since her death and she doesn’t know if she’s ready to hear her mom’s voice again, there but not. 

While she had gotten over her aversion to anything musical after her mom’s death, and she had sung the song her mom wrote for her, she still doesn’t know if she has the strength to hear her mom’s singing. 

She’s forced away from her freefalling thoughts by a hand in hers. She looks back up to see Alex had reached over Luke’s lap to hold her hand. Her eyes tear up in appreciation for her ghosts as they all come closer to cuddle around her in comfort. 

“Thank you.” She whispers to them, hugging back just as hard. 

“It’s going to be okay. Maybe it’ll hurt to hear it, but it’ll also feel really good.” Alex tells her, his voice quiet and compassionate. “Trust me.”

She looks up into his eyes, seeing that they’re full of emotion but no lies, and she trusts him because out of anyone she knows, these boys do understand. Maybe they didn’t lose Bobby in the same way, but they did still lose him, and hearing him for them is clearly just as overwhelming. 

“Okay, let’s do it.” She mumbles, reaching forward to press play on the CD player. She leans back into her boys, basking in their comfort. 

_“Don’t blink, no, I don’t want to miss it, one thing, and it’s back to the beginning,”_ Bobby sang quietly, following the same soft piano melody Julie does. _“’cause everything is rushing fast, keep going on never look back,”_

 _“And it’s one, two, three, four times, that I try for one more night,”_ the sound of her mom’s soft voice makes her flinch back and her throat constrict, but she continues on, holding her boys tighter. _“light a fire in my eyes, I’m going out of my mind,”_

She feels like her heart is being squeezed tightly in her chest, but Alex was right, the sound of her mom’s voice washes over like a wave of love, memories of lullabies on nights she couldn’t sleep, and pop songs being sung while baking together. The tears come, but this time they’re ones of love, not just grief. 

_“Whatever happens, even if I’m the last standing, I’ma stand tall, I’ma stand tall,”_ Her mom sings, her voice strong but still soft. _“whatever happens, even when everything’s down, I’ma stand tall, I’ma stand tall, I gotta keep on dreaming, ‘cause I gotta catch that feeling,”_ Bobby continues on before their voices mold together for the end of the first chorus. _“whatever happens, even if I’m the last standing, I’ma stand tall, I’ma stand tall.”_

Vaguely she notices Bobby’s voice crack on ‘I’m the last standing’ but she can’t focus on it long enough to say anything. The cords are different than the version Julie finished with Luke, softer but the base of the song stays the same. 

Bobby’s voice carries the second verse, though where Alex would usually come in with his drums is the quiet percussion of a Cajon drum, _“right now, I’m loving every minute, hands down, can’t let myself forget it, no, ‘cause everything is rushing in fast, keep holding on, never look back.”_

Julie startles when she feels something drip onto her shoulder, turning to see Reggie has silent tears rushing down his face. She offers a smile, because she doesn’t have anything words that will help, not with the way she feels like her heart will break from her loss. She turns to Alex and Luke for support to see they’re in the same state as Reggie. 

She just squeezes their hands, offering them her silent comfort as they finish the song with each other, her mom and Bobby harmonising the pre-chorus and chorus of the song. 

_“and it’s one, two, three, four times, that I’ll try for one more night, light a fire in my eyes, I’m going out of my mind.”_

“They sound great together.” Luke murmurs, squeezing her hand. More tears fall down her face. 

_“Whatever happens, even if I’m the last standing, I’ma stand tall, I’ma stand tall, whatever happens, even when everything’s down, I’ma stand tall, I’ma stand tall, I gotta keep on dreaming, ‘cause I gotta catch that feeling, whatever happens, even if I’m that last standing, I’ma stand tall, I’ma stand tall…”_

The last few beats of the song caught on Bobby’s voice, it hitches, like he was crying and Julie’s heart breaks a little more for him. 

The song ends, half-finished. Julie barely notices that someone’s paused the CD player through the force of trying to keep her sobs at bay and the overwhelming feeling of her grief and sadness, she feels her mom's loss even more at this moment. The studio just sits in silence for a few minutes as they each absorb what they just listened to. 

“God damnit Bobby, keeps making us cry.” Reggie breaks the ice, his joke falling a bit flat with his cracking voice. Julie stares at him for a moment, watches him wipe his eye and try for a smile, and promptly releases the other two, throwing her arms around Reggie, beginning to sob. 

Reggie just goes with the flow though, wrapping his arms around her while he cries with her. She hears Luke and Alex comforting each other in the back of her mind, but she just focuses on the feeling of being held by someone she loves. 

Eventually, after what seems like hours, Julie pulls back from the hug, her sobs no longer shaking her entire body and tearing her throat apart and wipes her eyes gently. She turns to Alex, who has his own teary eyes, and Luke crying silently in his arms and simply says, “You were right.”

She watches as a tear slips loose and trails down his cheek as he nods once, closing his heartbroken eyes while his lips tremble. 

They all just sit in silence for a couple minutes, collecting themselves from the very emotional day they’ve all had. 

“Do we wanna keep going?” Luke suddenly asks, his voice drawn and quiet. 

“Do you mind if we just sit here for a bit?” Julie whispers, playing with the bracelets on her wrists, particularly one she and her mom both had, a pretty purple one with silver beads on it. 

“Sure, we can do that.” Luke whispers back, cuddling back into Alex and closing his eyes tiredly. 

“We finished their song.” Julie mumbles moments later, her frown starting to turn upwards a tiny bit. “We finished their song.” She repeats, looking up at them. 

“Yeah, we did.” Reggie whispers, playing with the binding of his country songbook he’d just picked up again. 

“Do you think they would’ve liked the ending?” Julie asks, a little desperately. 

Alex doesn’t hesitate in his answer. “I think they would’ve loved it.” 

“Me too.” Julie mumbles, leaning back until she’s lying flat, looking up at the chairs hanging up on the studio roof, remembering her mom's laugh, and her compassion. And Julie smiles to spite her grief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I'm not working much this week so I'm trying to get as many chapters done as I can. 
> 
> Please leave a comment or a kudos, I love receiving those. Maybe comment some fic ideas for the series I want to do. 
> 
> Thank you for reading (:


	4. Before You Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That night, Bobby had taken his hurt and helped him down from an anxiety attack just by being himself, and without Alex knowing it, he’d fallen a little in love with him. 
> 
> \-- 
> 
> Or; Alex listens to the song Bobby wrote for him, remembering the days they had together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, while I was trying to write this chapter, I hit a bit of a block. I knew what I needed to write, just not how to write it. So, I took a break, cleaned my house, and made some banana choc muffins. And now, here's chapter four. 
> 
> Some story notes for you:
> 
> 1) The song in this chapter is called 'Before you go' by Lewis Capaldi, all credits to him. 
> 
> Enjoy (:

Alex will always remember the pure heartbreak at his parent’s reaction to his coming out, their silent disappointment and contempt for the son they raised, the way they decided to treat him after, like a ghost in his own home. That memory will be a part of him, always. 

Yet, somehow seeing and hearing the way his, and Reggie’s, and Luke’s death had affected Bobby is worse. Worse than his parent's disgust, worse than his anxiety, worse than dying itself. 

It’s not like he hadn’t known that he’d died, that there were people he’d left behind, people who mourned and moved on, but he hadn’t exactly registered that properly in the chaos of playing again with Julie, and Caleb’s stamps, and becoming a ghost in the first place. 

As the beginnings of his song, the song Bobby wrote and sang for him, start to play, all he can feel is overwhelming heartbreak, and guilt, so much guilt because they _left_ Bobby behind all by himself. 

Alex feels his hands trembling, a familiar sign of his anxiety rising too high. He clenches his hands at his sides, unconsciously digging his nails into his palms. He startles and looks down to his left hand where Luke hand uncurled his fingers, entwining them with his own. He slowly traces from his hand to his arm with his eyes, slowly landing on his reassuring face. 

He feels someone settle on his other side and doesn’t even have to look to see Reggie reach for his free hand, clutching it in his own. Alex turns his head, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Reggie’s. 

And Alex just falls in love with them a little more. 

The sound of a steady guitar fills the studio, the sound soothing before being joined by Bobby’s quiet voice. 

_“I fell by the wayside, like everyone else, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, but I was just kidding myself, our every moment, I start to replace, ‘cause now that they’re gone, all I hear are the words I needed to say,”_

Alex can feel his lips trembling at the sound of Bobby’s voice, at the pain he can hear in his beautiful voice. He clutches Luke and Reggie’s hands a little tighter, thankful they’re here, thankful they’re okay. 

_“When you hurt under the surface, like troubled water running cold, well, time can heal but this won’t,”_ Bobby holds, the guitar playing the melody. 

Alex can vividly remember the night he came out to his parents, but he most remembers what happened after. He’d ran to the studio in tears, on the verge of an anxiety attack, bursting in and surprising Bobby who’d been hanging in there, making up melodies on his guitar. 

Bobby had immediately dropped his guitar, crossing the studio in seconds and wrapping Alex in a tight hug, running his hands up and down his back soothingly. They stood like that for a while, Alex just crying and hyperventilating into Bobby’s shoulder while he rocked them gently, trying to get Alex's breathing back under control. 

After a while, Alex had pulled back a little to explain to Bobby what had happened, the words his dad threw at him, the way his mom looked at him, the way they made him feel, like he was _wrong_ for the way he loved.

“There is nothing wrong with you,” Bobby told him, holding his face gently and looking him straight in the eyes, his eyes earnest and warm. “You are Alex, you play the drums, and you hate English but love Maths. You carry a fanny pack with a first aid kit in it to take care of us when we’re being stupid, you like to dance, you love the pier, and you’re gay. These are just facts about you, and there’s nothing wrong with any of them.”

Alex just threw himself back into Bobby's arms, grateful for his friend. And Bobby held him through the night, stroking his hair until he fell asleep peacefully. 

That night, Bobby had taken his hurt and helped him down from an anxiety attack just by being himself, and without Alex knowing it, he’d fallen a little in love with him. 

_“So, before you go, was there something I could’ve said to make your heartbeat better? If only I’d known you had a storm to weather,”_ Bobby sings the chorus, his voice coming out stronger. _“So, before you go, was there something I could’ve said to make it all stop hurting? It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless, so, before you go,”_

So Alex cries for the boy who saved him with his loving words, who held him for hours while he cried, who defended and protected him from people and their harsh words, who he loved with all of his heart. 

_“Was never the right time, whenever you called, went little, by little, by little until there was nothing at all, our every moment, I start to replay, but all I can think about is seeing that look on your face,”_ Bobby’s voice trembles noticeably before continuing on. _“when you hurt under the surface, like troubled water running cold, well, time can heal but this won’t,”_

And suddenly Alex is being flooded with memories, of quiet nights in Bobby’s bedroom, of rehearsing and playing gigs together, of hanging out at the beach and throwing each other in the water, of nights out at the pizza shop down the street from Luke’s house. Alex cherishes those memories, of a time when they were happy and together. 

_“So, before you go, was there something I could’ve said to make your heartbeat better? If only I’d known you had a storm to weather. So, before you go, was there something I could’ve said, to make it all stop hurting? It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless, so before you go,”_

Alex remembers a particular night, where they’d borrowed Bobby’s grandparent’s car after a rehearsal, driving for hours with the windows down and blaring their favourite rock songs, singing badly for the fun of it. 

And Alex, who’d been driving looked over to Bobby in the passenger’s seat, with his head thrown back, a big grin on his face while he sang along with Luke to November Rain by Gun N’ Roses. That was the moment he’d realized he had fallen in love with this boy who wore suspenders, who could play about five instruments, and who loved to recite poetry. 

And Alex smiled, because this was another fact about him, and there was nothing wrong with that. 

_“Would we be better off by now, if I’d let my walls come down? Maybe I guess we’ll never know, you know, you know,”_

Bobby holds the note out, strumming the guitar. 

Alex wonders too, about the life they could have had if they’d just told him, told him they loved him, and wanted to be together. If instead of dying, they all could have been going on dates and kissing in the dark corners of the clubs they'd play gigs at, spending their days lounging together, trading soft kisses and stories of their day.

_“Before you go, was there something I could’ve said to make your heartbeat better? If only I’d have known you had a storm to weather, so, before you go, was there something I could’ve said to make it all stop hurting? It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless, so before you go…”_ with a last strum of the guitar, the song ends, but not the recording. 

“I love you, Alex,” Bobby’s whisper comes out clear from the CD player. Alex unconsciously lets out a wounded whine. “And I’m sorry I didn’t get to tell you before you…” 

Alex can’t do more than cry, clutching the hands holding his harder. He wished for, nothing more, than to have lived that day, to have said no to street-dogs, for Bobby, for his boys. 

“I wrote this song for you because I'm in love with you, I always have been and even though you’re gone, I need you to know that.” Bobby finishes, his voice solemn and sad before the track skips to the next. 

He barely notices Julie pressing pause, her own face shocked and sad. 

Alex takes a deep breath through his mouth, closing his eyes and tilting his face to the ceiling to get his tears under control. 

“I love you too.” He whispers to the silent room before succumbing to his tears, falling into Luke and Reggie’s comfort. 

“I know, I know,” Luke murmurs, stroking his hair gently while Reggie leans his forehead against his shoulder. He feels Julie come closer, hugging her arms around him. He revels in her warmth and love, just allowing himself to fall apart around his incomplete family. 

They stay like that for what could be minutes, or hours, Alex doesn’t know, but when his tears finally dry up and he can feel his hands have stopped shaking he moves to sit right, pulling Julie with him. He gives her a single hug, just for being there. “Thank you.” He whispers into her curly hair. 

“He must’ve really loved you,” she mutters back, “That song was amazing.” She says, leaning back and reaching up to his face, smoothing his hair out his eyes like a mother would to a child. 

“He always set out to surprise us.” Alex chuckles a little, Reggie chiming in after with, “Yeah, sometimes it felt like he lived his life just to spite the people around him.”

“Yeah, like that time the music teacher said he couldn’t sing a Queen song, because he didn’t have the ‘right voice’ for it, and he killed it the next week in class.” Luke laughs fondly. “He practiced for hours on that song, drove his grandparents crazy. He was stubborn like that.”

“He sounds like someone Flynn would get along with.” Julie giggles. 

“Oh my god, he would have loved Flynn. They’d get along like fire and gasoline, the amount of trouble they’d get into together…” Alex exclaims, laughing as well. 

“God, I knew he could write, but that song was like, Luke level,” Reggie emphasizes, his eyes blow comically wide. 

“Yeah, he was holding out on us.” Luke pouts, his brows scrunched up adorably and his arms crossed like a child. 

Julie reaches over and pinches his cheek Alex’s grandmother used to. “Aww, poor Lukey.” 

Luke drops his arms from the crossed position across his chest and swats at Julie's hand. “Hey, no. Hands off.” He grumbled. 

Julie exchanges a look with Reggie and Alex before all of them burst out in laughter at Luke’s put-out expression. 

Their laughter starts to trail off after a few minutes. They each look at Luke’s “are you done?” face. 

“Oh, poor L-lukey.” Reggie stutters, roaring with laughter, causing the other two to tipple over again, howling like hyenas at Luke’s exasperated huff. 

“Stop that.” Luke whines, nudging them with the tip of his shoe. “Stopp. I need new friends.” He grunts, turning his back dramatically and crossing his arms, his head tilted like a diva. 

This does nothing other than make them laugh harder, for no other reason other than to see Luke acting like a little princess. 

Eventually, their laughter does trail off. “Oh, come on Luke, we’re just having fun.” Alex croons, still giggling as he wraps his arm around Luke’s shoulder, turning him back to them. 

“Oh, you’re too easy.” Julie teases, still smiling widely. Reggie snorts from her left side, bringing his hand up to muffle it when Luke shoots him a betrayed look.

“Come on, we’ve still got some songs to listen to.” Alex cuts the happy bubble, getting them back on topic. 

“Okay, what’s the song called?” Reggie asks, still smiling, turning to look for the CD case. 

Luke finds it, picking it up and reading aloud, his expression still relaxed but turning serious. “It’s called Ghost of You.”

After a second of silent looks between each other, Reggie leans forward and presses play, sitting back to listen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. :)
> 
> Leave a comment or a kudos if you wish. I love reading your comments, gives me motivation.


	5. Ghost of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke knows hurt, and he knows this was going to hurt. But he braces himself to listen anyway, because this was for Bobby. His Bobby. His Bobby who he loved, who he left, who was broken and beautiful, who wrote a song for him despite his own grief. 
> 
> \--
> 
> Or; Luke listens to the song Bobby wrote for him, his broken heart breaking just a little more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter really hurts, sorry in advance. 
> 
> Some story notes: 
> 
> 1) The song used for this chapter is 'Ghost of You' by 5 Seconds of Summer. I know it's kind of popular with Luke, and his running away but I just had to use this song, it's one of my favourites. 
> 
> 2) I've never had an anxiety or panic attack so I'm sorry if the way I described it offended anyone, but I'm kinda writing off what other people describe. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy :)

Luke knows without a doubt, that this was going to hurt. 

Like the kind of hurt he felt when his mom threw those harsh words in his face, like the hurt he felt when he ran away from his sobbing mother, like the hurt he felt when he and his best friends died because he wanted street dogs, like the hurt he felt when Julie found them dying, _again_ , on the floor of the studio. 

Luke knows hurt, and he knows this was going to hurt. But he braces himself to listen anyway, because this was for Bobby. His Bobby. His Bobby who he loved, who he left, who was broken and beautiful, who wrote a song for him despite his own grief. 

So, Luke prepares himself, leaning back into Reggie’s welcoming arms and reaching for Alex’s hand, then Julie’s with his other. He prepares for the hurt, for the crying, and the comfort, because Bobby is worth it. 

The sound of an electric guitar comes from the CD player, followed by Bobby’s voice. _“Here I am waking up, still can’t sleep on your side, there’s your coffee cup, the ink stain fades with time, if I can dream long enough, you’d tell me I’d be just fine, I’ll be just fine,”_

And Luke flinches despite himself. Just because he’d prepared himself, didn’t make it hurt any less. He still felt the stabbing in his heart, the pain in his eyes at holding back his tears. 

A soft piano melody joins in on the guitar, and if Luke could, he would make some comment about the structure of the song, but he can’t because he’s amazed, and shocked, and _hurt._

_“So I drown it out like I always do, dancing through our house with the ghost of you, and I chase it down, with a shot of truth, dancing through our house, with the ghost of you,”_ Bobby sings beautifully, his voice hurt but stronger for it.

Luke can feel the steady trickle of tears down his face, but he does nothing to wipe them away. 

Some soft drumming starts in the second verse, giving him slight ‘Unsaid Emily’ vibes. Well, the version he played when he showed the song to his boys, when Alex picked up his drumsticks, and Reggie and Bobby grabbed their guitars to play with him, to support him. 

_“Cleaning up today, found that old Zepplin shirt, you wore it when you ran away, and no one could feel your hurt,”_ Bobby sings and Luke’s chest hurts, because he remembers. _“Too young, too dumb to know things like love, but I know better now, better now,”_

When Luke ran away, or rather rode away, from his home that night in December, he rode straight to his safe place, to Bobby’s garage with nothing but a small bag of clothes and his guitar. 

He’d snuck into the garage without Bobby or his grandparents noticing and prepared to go so sleep, still with hurt in his heart and tears in his eyes. 

He been startled when Bobby had walked into the garage a minute later, because apparently, Luke isn’t as good at sneaking as he thought. Bobby walked right up to him, gathered him into his arms and walked him straight into the house and up to his room. 

He’d been shocked to notice he’d been shaking from the cold, when Bobby brought over his favourite navy-blue sweatshirt for Luke to borrow. When Luke had looked up at Bobby with a questioning look on his sad face, Bobby simply said, “you’ve had a bad day.” 

Luke had pulled the sweatshirt over his Led Zepplin cut-off and wrapped his arms around himself, no longer shaking from the cold but rather by the force of his sobs. 

Bobby pulled Luke down with him onto the bed and under the covers, holding him while he cried and explained what had happened, how his mother had said he was too young to decide that music was his future, how it was dumb to give up on school for a “stupid band” and it didn’t matter if he loved it, it wasn’t ever going to happen. How she regretted letting him get into music in the first place. 

He explained how she crushed his feelings, and spat on his dream, and hurt him, and how he hurt her by running away. 

Bobby just held him through the night, running a hand through his curls and soothing his heartbreak. 

“It’s going to be alright Luke, because we are going to make it. One day, you’ll get to go home, and your mom with hug you, and tell you how much she loves you, and you’ll forgive each other. Until then, you can stay with me, instead of in that garage.” Bobby whispers, still playing with his hair as Luke gently drifts off to sleep. 

When Luke just about drifts off, he imagines Bobby whispering the words he so wants to hear with the phantom feeling of a soft kiss being pressed to his forehead. “I love you, Luke.”

Now, he can recognize the probability that it might not have been in his head.

_“So I drown it out like I always do, dancing through our house with the ghost of you, and I chase it down, with a shot of truth, dancing through our house, with the ghost of you,”_ Bobby trails off, the instrumentals supporting him.

Luke sniffles, trying to focus on the feeling of Alex’s hand in his, of Reggie’s arms supporting him, of Julie’s thumb rubbing his hand instead of how absolutely broken he feels. 

_“Too young, too dumb, to know things like love, too young, too dumb,”_ Booby’s voice goes quiet for this part, like he was singing in the background.

Luke remembers the day he actually realized he’d fallen in love with Bobby, because he’d always loved him, just not realized it. Luke did that a lot apparently, or well, three times in his life. 

Bobby had come home from school about a week after Luke had ran away, and he’d been late in coming home. Luke had been pacing the length of Bobby’s bedroom, fingers nervously fiddling with his lucky blue rabbit’s foot when the door had opened, and Bobby walked in. 

Luke rushed over, throwing his arms around Bobby’s shoulder and babbling rapidly into his ear about how worried he was. 

Bobby had just hugged him back, laughing quietly at Luke’s quick jabbering before pulling back to explain his reasoning for being late. 

“Well, you’ve been really upset this week and I know your hurting,” Bobby said, reaching into his bag for something before pulling out a soft, brown puppy plushie. “you left Shaggy at home and I know you don’t need it, but I thought it might help. It’s not the same as Shaggy but it’s pretty similar.” 

Luke just kept looking between Bobby and the puppy stuffy, a close replica of a teddy his mom had gotten him for his second birthday that he’d named Shaggy and to this day still had on his bed. Though in his anger, he’d left it behind when he left. 

Luke looked back to Bobby’s face, which was comforting and soft but starting to look nervous the longer Luke stared quietly. Luke slowly reached out, taking a hold of the stuffy, bringing it up to his face to rub gently over his cheek like he used to with Shaggy.

Without warning, Luke just threw himself at Bobby, squeezing him tightly with the stuffy still in his hands. He squished his face against Bobby’s neck, just burrowing in closer. “Thank you,” Luke whispered, tears in his eyes because he loved this ridiculously tall guitar player of his. 

“Your welcome babe,” Bobby had just murmured back, arms holding him securely and lovingly, rocking them in a gentle motion. 

_“So I drown it out like I always do, dancing through our house with the ghost of you, and I chase it down, with a shot of truth, that my feet don’t dance like they did with you…”_ Bobby sings, ending the song on a soft note.

Luke sits up a little straighter, not wanting to hope but wondering if he gets a message too because he needs to know. He needs to know if Bobby felt the same.

“I'm in love with you, Luke.” Bobby’s voice whispers from the CD player, and Luke almost deflates with his relief. The tears come faster, and with more force. “I always have been. I’m sorry I never told you, I should have.”

“It’s okay.” Luke whispers for himself through his trembling lips, wishing he could be telling Bobby. 

“Thank you for always inspiring me, for being there for me. I love you.” Bobby says, the recording ending before Julie pauses the next track. 

The sob bursts from Luke’s chest quickly and painfully, but he just welcomes it, welcomes the pain because, at this point, Luke is used to the hurt. 

They stay like that for a while, just surrounded by each other while Luke cries his soul out for the boy he really wants, the boy he can no longer have because he’d dead and it’s all his fault. 

He curses himself, at his ability to screw not only his life, but also Alex’s, and Reggie’s and Bobby’s, his parents, Julie. Everyone he meets, he seems to hurt. 

Through the dark cloud of thoughts in his mind, he doesn’t register that his breaths have become labored, too fast for his body to catch up. Through what seems like a haze in his mind, he hears what sounds like Alex calling his name urgently. 

“Luke!” He jumps, turning his wild eyes to Alex’s reassuring ones. 

“I know it’s hard, but I need you to breathe with me.” Alex gently tugs Luke’s hand to his chest. “Alright, follow me. In, and out. In, and out.” Luke starts to breathe a little better, following Alex for a couple of minutes, his hand clutching the jumper over Alex's chest. 

Once his breathing settles back down and his sobs have stopped, he drops against Reggie’s chest, feeling exhausted and agonized. “I’m sorry.” He whispers, the only sounds in the studio being his loud breathing. 

“Don’t apologise.” Julie says firmly before anyone else can. “Never apologise for the way you feel, and especially not for having a panic attack.” 

Luke barely registers the other two agreeing through his shaking head. He sits up abruptly, startling Reggie who flails back. “No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for doing this to us, for killing us.” Luke confesses, his voice breaking. He can’t look up at any of them. 

“What?” He can hear Reggie gasp and sees Alex go still out the corner of his eye. 

“You didn’t do anything.” Alex protests, quiet but stern. “Us dying is not your fault, Luke. That’s not on you.” 

“But I –“ Luke starts to interrupt, his head snapping up to meet Alex’s stormy blue eyes. 

“No,” Reggie talks over him. “That is not your fault. We ate street-dogs all the time, we ate at some really sketchy places. We all did, so the one time we ate some bad ones is not because of you. I promise.” Reggie testifies, looking more serious than ever. 

Luke stares between Reggie’s reassuring expression, and Alex’s unmoving stance and Julie’s kind eyes and settles back down into Reggie a little, still sad and a little guilty, but not as pained. “Okay.” He whispers. 

Alex sighs, his body going from tense to something more relaxed, well, relaxed for Alex. He reaches over and takes Luke’s hand again. 

“It’s an amazing song, very sad rock, but amazing.” Julie comments, changing the subject, squeezing his other hand in hers. Luke brings his eyes up to hers and managed a small smile. 

“Yeah, it’s perfect.” Luke whispers, the tears in his eyes still blurring his vision, but not dimming his little smile. “He knew just what I would love.”

“Come on, just a few more songs.” Julie says, reaching for the CD player. “Reggie, you ready?” She asks, hand paused over the button. 

“As ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.” Reggie answers, his arms curling around Luke tighter. 

“Okay, this one is called ‘Youth’.” Julie presses play, reclining back in her spot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. (:
> 
> Please leave a comment or a kudos if you can.


	6. Youth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the sound of a gentle electric guitar fills the studio, Reggie pulls Luke in tighter, for his comfort as much as Luke’s. 
> 
> Reggie’s eyes cast off into the distant corner of the studio, becoming unfocused as he sits there, not really breathing, just listening.
> 
> \--
> 
> Or; It's Reggie's turn to listen to his song, and he has a lot of feelings about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double whammy, here's another chapter. so for this fic, there should only be a few more chapters then I'll move onto the second fic of the series, which focuses more on Bobby. 
> 
> Some story notes for you; 
> 
> 1) The song used in this chapter is called 'Youth' by Daughter, it's a beautiful song, one of my favourites. You should definitely go have a listen. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

When the sound of a gentle electric guitar fills the studio, Reggie pulls Luke in tighter, for his comfort as much as Luke’s. 

He’d already heard Bobby sing, and give messages to them, but this time, it’s for him. Just for him, something that Bobby sat down to write, with just Reggie on his mind. He can feel his non-existent heart beating faster to the speed of his racing thoughts. 

_“Shadows settle on the place, that you left, our minds are troubled by the emptiness, destroy the middle, it’s a waste of time, from the perfect start to the finish line,”_ Bobby sings, his voice low and quiet, entwining with the soft guitar melody.

Reggie’s eyes cast off into the distant corner of the studio, becoming unfocused as he sits there, not really breathing, just listening.

_“And if you’re still breathing, you’re the lucky ones, ‘cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs,”_ Bobby’s voice cracks, but he keeps going. _“we’re setting fire to our insides for fun, collecting names of the lovers that went wrong, the lovers that went wrong,”_

Reggie was tired. He’d been tired for what felt like days as he sat in his room, his Walkman on next to him as he tried to focus on finishing his homework, though the shouting he could hear through his closed door wasn't exactly helping. 

His parents had been fighting since 5am that morning, waking him up with their screaming as they each rushed to get ready for work. He hadn’t been able to get back to sleep after that, spending his day at school in an exhausted state. He’d been hoping to get some rest after school, except that when he came home, he could hear the screaming from the street. 

He’d been sat on his bed, headphones on a high as they could go, trying to do him homework for about 2 hours now. After the sound of glass breaking could be heard from the kitchen, he decided he was done. 

Reggie quickly stood, packing his homework and some clothes into a backpack, slinging it over his shoulder as he moved to his window. 

After climbing out of his window and down the drainpipe, he took off in a sprint in the direction of Bobby’s house. When he arrived about 10 minutes later, the house was dark and quiet. He walked round the back till he saw Bobby’s window, bending down to pick up some pebbles from the garden.

One by one, he threw them at the window, hearing the little thumps as they hit the glass. After a minute, he’d ran out of pebbles, bending down to pick up some more. In his quest, he didn’t notice the window open or a sleepy Bobby poke his head out. 

Without looking clearly, he threw a pebble. Instead of hearing a thunk though, he heard a whine and an exclamation of, “Ow, Reggie. What the hell?” 

Looking up, Reggie saw Bobby rubbing a little red spot on his forehead. “I’m sorry, I just need to come in.” Reggie apologised quietly. 

Bobby just closed the window, and a few seconds later, came round to open the back door, letting Reggie in. Reggie let out a sharp breath of relief, bending down to pick up his bag. 

As they walked up the stairs quietly to Bobby’s room, he explained to Reggie the need to be quiet. “Luke slept through your little pebble show, so please don’t wake him up. It’s been difficult for him to get to sleep since…”

Since he ran away, Reggie finished in his head. Reggie nodded, following Bobby into his room. He looked over to the bed and saw Luke rolled up in the sheets, breathing softly with his messy curls framing his face. 

“Bastard took all the blanket,” Bobby grumbled quietly, moving over to gently pry some of the sheet out of Luke’s grip. After a little tug of war with him, he had enough sheets to cover himself and Reggie. 

Reggie stripped off his leather jacket and his jeans, dropping into bed next to Bobby who was in the middle. “Thanks for this, I know it’s late.” Reggie whispered. 

“Your parents?” Bobby asked gently, wrapping his arms around Reggie. 

Reggie nodded, snuggling in closer to Bobby’s warmth. “Since 5 this morning, and since I got home from school. I’m so tired, Bobby.” He whispered, starting to drift off to sleep. 

He felt rather than saw Luke shift, rolling over to throw an arm around Bobby’s waist, cuddling in closer against his back. Luke hand brushed against Reggie’s, who entwined their hands together. Luke settled, falling back asleep. 

“Go to sleep Reg, I’ll wake you when it’s time to get up babe.” Bobby murmured, rubbing his hand up and down Reggie’s back soothingly. 

Reggie drifted off to sleep, feeling content for the first time in a long time. 

Bobby sings the second verse, voice soft. _“We are the reckless, we are the wild youth, chasing visions of our futures, one day, we’ll reveal the truth, that one will die before he gets there,”_

Reggie blinks, snapping out of his daze by the feeling of his arm being squeezed. He looks up to Alex, who had removed his hand from Luke’s to move it to him. He blinks again, startled to feel tears falling down his face. 

Instead of wiping them away, he just allows them to fall, hugging Luke a little tighter to him and reaching his hand for Alex’s. 

_“and if you’re still bleeding, you’re the lucky ones, ‘cause most of our feeling, they are dead and they are gone,”_ Bobby sings, his voice getting stronger and louder. _“we’re setting fire to our insides for fun, collecting pictures from the flood that wrecked out home, it was a flood that wrecked this,”_

Reggie wipes his eyes with his free hand, trying to be strong, for his boys, for himself. He might not be the smartest, intellectually speaking, but Reggie knows he’s smart, he’s smart enough to realize both Alex and Luke are on the verge of breaking down, and he needs to be strong for them. 

_“And you caused it, and you caused it, and you caused it,”_ Bobby’s voice drawls, fading out with the drums.

_“Well I’ve lost it all, I’m just a silhouette, a lifeless face you’ll soon forget, my eyes are damp from the words you left,”_ Bobby sings quietly. _“ringing in my head, when you broke my chest, ringing in my head, when you broke my chest,”_

Reggie remembers the moment he’d realised he was in love with Bobby. 

They were in the studio together, Luke and Alex having volunteered to go pick up pizza for dinner. 

They had been sitting on the couch together, only a few inches of space between them. Bobby was strumming on his guitar, singing quietly and Reggie had become awestruck. His hand had stopped writing in his song book, and he just watched Bobby sing. 

There was a look of concentration on his face that was familiar, and he was biting his lip gently as he worked out some cords, a strand of hair falling over his eye. 

Bobby looked over at him, looking relaxed and amused. “Something wrong Reg?” 

Reggie just shook his head, still staring. He felt a stirring in his gut, a warm feeling he recognised from the times he’d been looking at Luke’s lips as they sang on the same mic together, or the times he’d imagined Alex pressing his lips to his. 

And Reggie, who had close to no impulse control, just blurted out to Bobby. “Can I kiss you?” 

Bobby startled, his hands dropping from the strings of his guitar as he started at Reggie in surprise. “What?” He chuckled breathlessly, like he was in shock. 

_Well_ , Reggie thought, _I’ve already gone this far_. So, ignoring his rapidly pounding heart, he asked again. “Can I kiss you?”

“O-okay,” Bobby nodded twice, still looking shocked but he moved his guitar to the side of him, shifting to face Reggie more. 

Reggie moves forward a little, leaning closer to Bobby’s face, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek gently. From how close he is, he can see the hazel brown of Bobby’s eyes even clearer, it’s a beautiful color. 

Reggie leans closer, their lips barely brushing. Bobby’s eyes flutter shut at the feeling, before Reggie surges forward, gently pressing their lips together more firmly. Bobby’s lips are soft against his, sliding smoothly against his own. Reggie just kisses him for a few more seconds, moving slowly. 

When he pulls back, Bobby briefly chases his lips, and Reggie can’t resist. He presses another gentle kiss to Bobby’s lips, before pulling back fully and opening his eyes, his hand still on Bobby’s cheek.

Bobby’s eyes flutter open, a little breathless and his lips slightly red. “Wh-what was that for?” He whispers, tracing Reggie’s face with his eyes.

Reggie swallows around the sudden lump in his throat, caressing Bobby’s cheek gently, then dropping his hand. “I just needed to know.” He murmurs. 

Bobby opens his mouth to speak again, but they can hear the loud sound of Luke laughing getting closer to the doors. They move back a little, Bobby looking confused and slightly dazed as Reggie goes back to his notebook, pen posed but not writing. 

When Luke and Alex walk in, pizza boxes in hands, they ask about the progress of the song. When Reggie catches Bobby’s eyes, he just shrugs, smiling innocently, making some excuse about not finding the right inspiration. 

They never got to talk about it after that. Reggie regrets that now. 

_“And if you’re in love, then you are the lucky ones, ‘cause most of us are bitter over someone, setting fire to out insides for fun, to distract out hearts from ever missing them,”_ Bobby sings, the beat picking up. _“but I’m forever missing him,”_

_“And you caused it, and you caused it, and you caused it…”_ his voice drags out, the singing ending as the guitar melody trails off.

Like the two tracks before him, the recording keeps going. Bobby sighs deeply, “God, I’m so in love with you Reg. So in love with all of you.”

Reggie sniffles, leaning his forehead against the back of Luke’s head, his curls tickling his face. 

“You didn’t deserve the world you got Reg; and the world didn’t deserve you, you were too innocent. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from it all.” Bobby sniffles, crying softly. “I love you, so much.”

With a last sniffle, the recording ends. Julie reaches forward to press pause, her own face downcast and streaming with tears. 

“Are you okay?” Alex whispers, moving closer to pull Reggie, and therefore Luke into his arms. 

“No,” Reggie croaks, resting against Alex’s shoulder and reaching up to wipe his tears. “No, but I will be.”

“God, he really knows how to write an emotional song, that was beautiful.” Julie admits, wiping her own tears. 

Luke opens his arms for Julie, who crawls over to join them in their cuddle pile. 

“I kissed him, once.” Reggie abruptly admits, soothing Luke’s hair back. 

“What?” Luke chokes, twisting half his body to look up at Reggie. 

Reggie immediately chides him, pinching his side gently. “don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself.”

Luke fixes his stance, spinning around in his arms with Julie still clutched to his side. “You did what?”

“Well, I kissed him. It was only once, but I just… I just needed to know what it felt like.” Reggie admits, his cheeks heating up. 

Luke pouts, his eyes adorably wide. “Why weren’t me and Alex invited? We wanted to kiss him too.”

“Yeah,” Alex agrees, also pouting. 

Reggie and Julie just laugh quietly at their cute expressions. 

“Well, for one, you were out getting pizza,” Reggie ignores Luke’s grumbling and continues. “And two, it was a one-time thing, we never got to talk about it.” He admits. 

“Okay, fine. I’ll let you go.” Alex huffs, still looking dismayed to have missed it but smiling gently at him. 

“Well I still think it’s not fair. I wanted kisses from Bobby too.” Luke whines, hiding his face in Julie’s neck. She just sighs exasperatedly, patting his head with an amused face. 

“Come on, we’ll finish the last song and maybe you can settle with some Reggie kisses.” Reggie bargained, reaching for the weak spot on the back of Luke’s neck. 

Luke melts, crawling back over to settle against Reggie’s side, nosing against the side of his neck. “Not settling, never settling.” He whispers, practically purring contently. 

Alex just snorts at Luke’s antics, reaching forward to press play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if I made you cry, if it's any consolation, I made myself cry while writing this. 
> 
> Thank you for reading. Please leave a comment or a kudos if you can, I live off them :)


	7. Four of us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“This morning I woke up still dreaming, with memories playing through my head, you’ll never know how much I miss you, the day that they took you, I wish it was me instead,”_ Bobby sings, voice raspy and full of pain, but so, so beautiful. 
> 
> \--
> 
> Or; They all listen to the last song, each with hearts breaking and memories in their mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so sorry in advance for any pain this chapter may bring. 
> 
> As always, chapter notes for you:
> 
> 1) The song used in this chapter is Louis Tomlinson's 'Two of us'. For obvious reasons, I had to change some of the lyrics though.

A soft piano melody fills the studio, and Bobby’s voice molds with keystrokes. _“It’s been a minute since I called you, just to hear the answerphone, yeah, I know that you won’t get this, but I leave a message so I’m not alone,”_

And Alex can already feel the tears, because this was going to be painful. This wasn’t just about him, or just about Reggie, or Luke. This was about them, together. 

_“This morning I woke up still dreaming, with memories playing through my head, you’ll never know how much I miss you, the day that they took you, I wish it was me instead,”_ Bobby sings, voice raspy and full of pain, but so, so beautiful.

Alex barely registers that the wounded whimper came from Luke before he’s reaching for his hand, rubbing soothing circles onto his skin. Alex tries to focus on comforting Luke, and Reggie instead of how he feels, because if he’s honest with himself, he doesn’t feel anyway near alright. 

_“But you once told me ‘don’t give up, you can do it day by day’, and diamonds, they don’t turn to dust or fade away,”_ Bobby’s voice is velvety soft, and it triggers a memory in Alex that he hadn’t thought about in a while.

When Alex looked over at the desk next to him, he saw Bobby slouching in his chair, rubbing his forehead as he focused on his math work. His face was scrunched up like he was in pain, and his body language read ‘distressed’. 

When the bell rang 10 minutes later, Alex packed up his bag, waiting for Bobby to pack his. When Bobby was finished, Alex grabbed his arm, dragging him in the opposite direction of their science classroom. 

“Alex? Where are we going?” Bobby questioned, even though he was still walking with Alex. “We have science.” 

“No, we don’t, we’re ditching.” Alex simply stated, his mind purposely ignoring the part of it that was screaming at him because he’d never done this before and his parents were definitely going to kill him. 

“Why exactly are we ditching?” Bobby demands with a chuckle. “And what about Luke and Reggie?” 

“They’ll be fine.” Alex dismisses with a wave of his hand, still walking in the direction of the exit. 

“You still haven’t said why, ‘lex.” Bobby huffs a laugh, pulling Alex’s arm till he stops and turns to face him. 

“Because you need a day off, okay? You’re exhausted from staying up all night to help Luke to sleep, you are overworked because of school, from trying to tutor stupid 1 and stupid 2, and practice with the band.” Alex explains in a rush. “You just need a break, and it’s only one day.” He justifies weakly, smiling unsurely at Bobby. 

Bobby had gone quiet, his smile turning soft and he tugged Alex into a hug. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Alex murmured into Bobby’s shoulder before pulling back and tugging him out the school exit. 

“Okay, I know there’s a mini carnival on at the pier…” Alex told as they walked off school grounds, arms around each other. 

That day, they spend from mid-morning until the late afternoon just hanging around the pier, and the beach, then just walking around Sunset Boulevard, having a great time. By the time they were walking to Bobby’s house, they were relaxed and happy, just basking in each other’s warmth. 

“Thank you for this, it really did help.” Bobby whispered, laying his head on Alex’s shoulder as they walk through the quiet neighbourhood. 

“I’ll always be here for you, Bobby.” Alex whispered back. “I promise.”

Looks like he can’t really keep promises after all. 

_“So I will keep you, day and night, here until the day I die, I’ll be living one life for the four of us, I will be the best of me, always keep you next to me, I’ll be living one life for the four of us,”_ Alex brings his free hand up to cover his mouth, keeping the sobs at bay, but not the tears.

The beat picks up, some drums coming in as Bobby sings stronger. _“even when I’m on my own, I know I won’t be alone, tattooed on my heart are the words of your favourite songs, I know you’ll be looking down, swear I’m gonna make you proud, I’ll be living one life for the four of us,”_

Luke had been prepared for the big breakdown since Reggie opened that damned box, and after listening to his own song, he really hadn’t been shocked that it had all come bursting out. What he isn’t prepared for, is for it to happen again, and with the way this song was already going, there was a high probability of that. 

To be honest, he’d been shocked Reggie and Alex hadn’t broken down as well. Alex had been on the edge, but Reggie had been the rock so far, holding strong for the rest of them. 

_“I could feel your soul run through me, you’re written in my DNA, looking back at every picture, I know you’ll be waiting, I’ll see you again,”_ Bobby sings.

Luke just leans back against Reggie, clutching Alex’s hand. The tears are still trickling down his cheeks, his eyes sore and no doubt red. 

_“But you once told me ‘don’t give up, you can do it day by day’, and diamonds, they don’t turn to dust or fade away, fade away,”_

With the second chorus, without any conscious thought, Luke whisper-sang along with Bobby. _“So I will keep you day and night, here until the day I die, I’ll be living one life for the four of us, I will be the best of me, always keep you next to me, I’ll be living one life for the four of us,”_

Bobby’s voice got louder with the burst of the drums, Luke still singing along, his throat raspy from crying. Alex's hand feels like a vice grip in his hand. _“Even when I’m on my own, I know I won’t be alone, tattooed on my heart are the words of your favourite songs, I know you’ll be looking down, swear I’m gonna make you proud, I’ll be living one life for the four of us,”_

Luke casts his mind back, back to the days when he was alive, back to a time where they were together, living out their wildest dreams. To a time where it was his turn to comfort Bobby. 

Luke had been staying with Bobby and his grandparents for about two months now. Bobby’s Gran and Pop-Pop had offered him their guest room, but he’d refused, preferring to stay with Bobby in his room, now deemed their room. 

Luke had been waiting for the family to get back, Bobby had to take his grandparents in for their monthly check-up. Luke was lying on his and Bobby’s bed, songbook in his lap as he worked on a new song for the band. 

_“And rise through the night, you and I, we will fight to shine together, bright forever,”_ He sang quietly before scribbling out some other words, biting on the end of his pen.

Luke looked up when the door to the bedroom was slowly pushed open, and when he saw Bobby standing there, his lips pulled down into a frown and tears in his sad eyes, he dropped his songbook, leaping up and hurrying up to Bobby. 

Bobby didn’t even seem to register his presence, his eyes were dazed and misting with tears. “Bobby, what’s wrong?” Luke hovered, not wanting to touch him if he didn’t want it. “What happened?” 

Bobby finally looked up, looking Luke in the eyes, the tears slowly falling. “He’s sick. They don’t know if… if he can get better.”

“Oh, Bobby,” Luke whispered, his heart breaking for Bobby and his grandparents. 

Bobby pitched forward with a sob, falling into Luke’s waiting arms. Luke moved them over to the bed, pulling Bobby down with him, just holding his as he cried. 

“I’m so sorry baby,” Luke murmurs into Bobby’s hair, holding him closer. He doesn’t have any other words to make this better, because he can’t promise anything. Luke just spends the rest of the afternoon holding Bobby, comforting him. 

When they finally go downstairs, they spend the rest of the night with his Gran and Pop-Pop, having chicken and salad for dinner, watching a movie together in the living room, playing a board game together, laughing, and ignoring the elephant in the room. 

And when Luke and Bobby finally settle down in bed for the night, Bobby still desolate, Luke reaches for his hand, clutching it firm in his own. When Bobby looks up at his face, Luke whispers a promise. “I’ll always be here for you. No matter what, I promise you can count on that.”

What a liar he is. 

_“I promised you I’d do this, so all of this is all for you, oh, I swear to god, you’re living through everything I’ll ever do,”_ Bobby sings the bridge.

Reggie, listening closely with hurt in his heart, still manages to keep a worried eye on Luke, watching for any signs of an impending breakdown. Though apart from the tears in his eyes and his hitching little breaths, he seems to be reletively okay. 

Regie manages to focus a little more on the song, trusting that Alex will catch Luke if he falls. 

_“So I will keep you, day and night, here until the day I die, I’ll be living one life for the four of us, I will be the best of me, always keep you next to me, I’ll be living one life for the four of us, even when I’m on my own, I know I won’t be alone, tattooed on my heart are the words of your favourite songs, I know you’ll be looking down, swear I’m gonna make you proud, I’ll be living one life for the four of us,”_ Bobby sings the last chorus, throwing Reggie into a whirlwind of memories.

Reggie wasn’t supposed to head over to the garage for another hour, because band practice doesn’t start until 4 but he just couldn’t stand the thought of going home right now. His parents had been arguing when he left and he had no reason to believe they’d have stopped when he got home. 

He walks into the garage and for a second, he fails to notice Bobby’s form sitting on the couch. Reggie frowns, looking over at him. His back is facing the entrance so Reggie can’t see his face and his body is hunched over. 

“Bobby?” Reggie questions, walking around so he can see Bobby’s face. Once he does though, he gasps, dropping his backpack on the floor, rushing over to sit next to Bobby. “What the hell happened?” He demands, looking at the distinct dark bruise cover most of Bobby’s left cheek and his split lip. 

Bobby looks up at him, face pained and eyes dark. “It was just a fight.” He mutters, turning his face away. Regie gently places his fingers on Bobby’s chin, turning him back to him. 

“A fight?” Reggie questions, heart racing. He hates fighting and each of the guys knows this. “With who? When?” He gets up, walking over the mini fridge-freezer in the corner to get some ice. Once gathered in a cloth, he walks back over, gently placing it over Bobby’s bruise. 

He winces, flinching back. “After school.” He mutters, looking away from Reggie’s gaze. “It was just that dick Adam Jackson.”

“You got into a fight with Adam Jackson? Why would you do that Bobby?” Reggie sighs, seeing Bobby’s shoulders hunch in even more at the sound. 

“He was just saying some things about you guys, okay? Really nasty things, that I’m not going to repeat because he’s an entitled little asshole who doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” Bobby bursts out, looking up with a fire in his eyes. 

“He was saying things about Luke, and you. And calling Alex those horrible names, and I just…couldn’t stand there and let him do that.” The fight seems to drain out of him, and he slumps back over, flinching and holding an arm out to his ribs. 

Reggie’s disappointment drains from him, and he leans closer to Bobby. “You were defending us?” He asks quietly, looking up at Bobby through his lashes, moving Bobby's arm aside, lifing up his shirt to check his ribs. 

“I will always, always defend you guys.” Bobby vows, looking at him with an intensity that Reggie almost quivers under. “You guys are a part of my life, I wouldn’t even know what or who I would be without you all. Even when I’m on my own, I know I won’t ever be alone, because I’ll always have you, Reggie. And Luke, and Alex.”

“We will always be with you, _I_ will always be with you, I promise,” Reggie says, bringing a hand up to caress his unmarked cheek. “And you won’t ever have to find out who you will be without us.”

Bobby smiles softly, mindful of his split lip. A tear trickles down his cheek, which Reggie wipes away softly. “Love you, Reg.” He says, leaning his good cheek against Reggie’s shoulder. 

“Love you too.” Reggie whispers like a secret, bringing his hand up into Bobby’s hair. 

Reggie coddles him for the rest of the hour, until Alex and Luke get back from their after-school tutor sessions and they fret over him as well. Bobby lets them, hurt but peaceful. They forgo band practice, deciding to have a chill hangout, taking care of Bobby for the rest of the day. 

Promises, Reggie decides, are like honey traps. You give someone hope, drawing them in with their sense of security, only to rip it viciously away, leaving them flailing in the dark. 

_“One life for the four of us, I’ll be living one life for the four of us,”_ A tear trickles down Reggie’s cheek, a parallel to Bobby’s those years ago. _“We’ll end just like we started, just us and no one else, I will hold you where my heart is, one life for the four of us…”_ Bobby sings, the music coming to a stop.

“It’s been six months,” Bobby suddenly says, sighing deeply, and Reggie can hear a chocked sound come from someone. He realises too late that it was him making the sound. “and it’s been hell. Every day I hurt, and I just don’t want to hurt anymore.”

Luke lets out a chocked sob, hand coming up to cover his mouth. Alex is in the same state, but he wraps an arm around each of their shoulders anyway. 

“But I made a promise to myself, for you guys, that I would live on for you. So all this is for you, I’ll live, for the four of us because it’s not fair…” Bobby’s voice goes wobbly, cutting off briefly. “you didn’t get to live your lives, so I will for you. I love you, each of you, so much.” 

“Goodbye…” Bobby’s voice cracks, before the CD shuts off, silence descending upon the studio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the pain this may have caused. :( 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading. Please leave a comment or a kudos if you liked it :)


	8. Dear Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She can’t do much than whisper the last few sentences, her eyes teary and her heart broken. _“Thank you for being my friend. Goodbye Rose. Bobby.”_
> 
> A tear lands on the paper, and she reaches up to wipe her eyes. 
> 
> \--
> 
> Or; Julie and her Phantoms finally read the letter Bobby left for Rose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a bit longer than the rest. I've been working the last couple of days and hadn't had much motivation for writing, but Western Australia is now in lockdown so I should be writing a lot more this week. 
> 
> Anyway, here are some chapter notes:
> 
> 1) The letter is kinda where the inspiration for this fic came from, I was watching the movie 'The Death Cure' and Newt's letter to Thomas just kinda jumped out at me, and after rearranging a few words, I wrote a letter to Rose from Bobby. 
> 
> 2) There is some talk of depression and the topic of suicide so please be careful if this is something that may be sensitive for you. 
> 
> 3) I'm not a medical professional, so I don't actually know how accurate some of the injuries are aside from what I researched. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

When the CD finished, the studio sat in silence for a while, the boys each with their own varying levels of heartbreak. Julie tried to comfort them as best she could, just wrapping around them, holding their hands, and rubbing their backs. 

Eventually, Julie managed to pull them into a discussion to try and distract them a little, talking to Luke about the lyrics in Bobby’s songs and about the arrangement with Alex, or about the melodies with Reggie. 

They stayed like that for about an hour, just lying on the floor covered in blankets and pillows, talking about the music Bobby made. 

“I had no idea Bobby started ‘Stand Tall’ with my mom when I found the song in her things…” Julie trails off. Reggie squeezes her hand briefly. She reached up with her free hand to wipe the single tear trailing down her cheek. “I’m just happy we got to finish it for them.” She murmurs. 

“I think they would have loved it.” Alex tells her, smiling softly before his face changes like he’s realized something. “Hey, wasn’t there a letter to your mom?” He asks, looking around the blankets. 

“Oh yeah,” Julie realizes, sitting up which dislodges Luke who was resting on her stomach. She shifts around for a moment before coming up with the worn envelope. She holds it gingerly, like glass as she just stares at the name on the envelope. 

_Rosie._

“Do you need us to read it?” Reggie’s quiet voice cuts through the haze in her mind. 

“No, no. that’s okay, I can do it.” She says, smiling reassuringly at her boys. 

She turns the envelope over, opening the flap. The envelope was old and worn, like it had been read a lot. 

Julie opens it, reaching into the envelope and pulling out a loose newspaper clipping. “What?” She murmurs, unfolding it to read. 

“What that?” Luke asks, looking over her shoulder. 

“It’s a page from an old newspaper.” She says, briefly skimming through the story.

“It’s dated July 10th 1997, and it doesn’t say much,” Julie says, looking around at the guys. “It’s a story about a crash that happened in a hit and run. There were two passengers, no details. They were both rushed to hospital, but the driver was in more serious condition while the passenger came away with minimal injuries.” She reads aloud. 

“Does it say anything else about the crash?” Alex questions, looking over the article himself. 

“Uh, just that the reason the driver was so injured was because when the car hit them, it was coming towards the front of the car and they tried to protect the passenger by swerving so the driver’s side was the point of impact.” Julie announces to the group, placing the article in Reggie’s outstretched hand. 

“Okay, it doesn’t say anything about the people in the crash. Why would this be in a letter to your mom?” Reggie asks Julie, his face showing his confusion. 

“I don’t know, maybe she knew the people in the crash?” Julie offers, her voice hesitant. 

“Well, what does the letter say?” Luke asks, turning to Julie. 

Julie grabs the envelope again, pulling the letter out of it. She lets the envelope flutter to the ground as she unfolds the pages. There’s two pages, and as she quickly glances over the words, she brings a hand up to cover her mouth as she realises what this was. 

“What?” Luke questions, voice soft but urgent. “Julie, what is it?”

Julie sniffles, wiping her teary eyes as she tries to compose herself. “It’s a- it’s a letter for my mom, from Bobby.” She tells them. 

It’s a goodbye letter are the words she doesn't say. 

She holds the pages in her trembling hands, smoothing out the pages. _“Dear Rose,”_ she reads before anyone can say anything else. 

_“This is the first letter I can remember writing, well at least that I know of. But even if it’s not my first, it’s likely to be my last.”_ She can almost hear Bobby’s voice in her head as she reads. It’s silent in the studio, and she can feel the heavy gazes of her boys on her.

_“I want you to know that I’m not scared. Well, not of dying anyway, it’s…more forgetting. It’s losing myself to this depression, that’s what scares me.”_

“Dying?” She vaguely hears Reggie croak, but she keeps reading on through the sudden lump in her throat. 

_“So every night I’ve been saying their names out loud. Alex. Reggie. Luke. And I just repeat them over and over like a prayer. And it…”_ She hesitates, cutting off. _“it all comes flooding back.”_

She hears Luke sniffle, and glances over at them. Alex has a hand covering his mouth like he’s trying to hold back his sobs. Luke’s crying silently, just staring down at his lap with tears streaming down his face. Reggie’s gazing blankly, clutching Alex’s hand in his. 

_“Just the little things like the way the sun used to hit the studio window at that perfect moment right before it slips behind the trees. And I remember the sound of Luke’s laugh, I never thought I’d miss that so much,”_ Julie manages to read this with a little giggle, smiling over at her boys. They try to return the smile, but they fall a little short. _“I remember being hugged by Alex and sitting on the beach watching the sunset with Reggie.”_

Julie sniffles, running her thumb along the ink. _“And I remember you. I remember the first time I met you, you held me as my heart shattered and died with my best friends. And from that moment you saved me, I knew I would follow you anywhere. And I have.”_

She reads the next few words with a feeling of sinking dread in her stomach. She’s figured out what the newspaper article was about. _“If I had to do the crash all over again, I would. And I wouldn’t change a thing. And my hope for you is that looking back years from now, you’ll be able to say the same.”_

“Oh god,” Alex chokes, his hand still covering his mouth in shock. “The crash, the newspaper story.”

Luke snaps his head over to Alex, his face shiny with tears. “No, no. he’s not- he’s not…” Luke shakes his head in denial, fighting as Alex tries to pull him into a hug, denying what they’ve all seemed to realise as he folds into Alex’s arms. “No, Alex, he’s- no…”

Julie keeps going, trying to finish the letter so they can know for sure. _“The futures in your hands now Rosie. And I know you’ll find a way to live. You always have. Take care of Ray for me, and take care of yourself. You deserve to be happy.”_

She can’t do much than whisper the last few sentences, her eyes teary and her heart broken. _“Thank you for being my friend. Goodbye Rose. Bobby.”_

A tear lands on the paper, and she reaches up to wipe her eyes. 

“Bobby’s dead?” Reggie’s quiet question shocks the studio like a gunshot. 

Luke’s responding whimper as he shakes in Alex’s arms snaps him out of his daze, and he hurries over to wrap arms around both him and Alex. 

“The…the newspaper article doesn’t say what happened to the driver.” Julie swallows, choking out the words. 

“Will-will your dad know?” Alex questions, his expression worn and just… _broken._

Julie takes a second to deliberate before jumping up, starling the boys. They watch her, Luke pulling his face from Alex’s neck to look at her as she marches over to the studio doors. 

“Where are you going?” Reggie questions. 

“To see if my dad knows anything.” She replies without looking back. She can hear them scramble up to follow her as she walks inside the house. Carlos is at his friend’s house for the day so she doesn't have to worry about any questions and she knows her dad will be at his desk working. 

“Dad?” she calls, walking into the living room area where her dad is sitting at his desk on his laptop. 

“Hey, did you want some lunch? I was going to make something but I got a little carried away with these photos for one of my clients and –“ her dad tells her, barely looking up from his laptop as he types. 

“Dad.” She interrupts, and her tone must give away her urgency because he glances up in concern. Once he gets a good look her teary eyes and sad aura, he stands up and walks over to her. 

“Mija, what’s wrong?” He asks, his face worried. He can’t see them but he must feel the air shift as the guys poof into existence around her. “What’s going on?” He questions, looking back to her. 

Instead of answering, she holds up the envelope. His eyes fall to his and his expression shutters, going from worried to sad understanding. “Oh,” he breathes, looking back to her face. 

“You and mom were friends with Bobby Wilson?” She asks him, watching as he turns back his back to her for a moment. She can see the questions of how she found this in his face but he doesn’t ask. 

Instead, he moves to sit them down on the couch, the guys following and sitting around them. 

“We were.” He sighs, taking a hold of the envelope. He doesn’t move to read the letter, just runs his thumb over the ink. “I met him a little after your mother did, I had to pick them up from the hospital the night she met him.” 

“The hospital?” Julie’s brows furrow. "Why were they at the hospital?" 

“Bobby had to…” he hesitates, looking around before sighing. “He had to identify his best friend’s bodies.” 

She barely registers the gasps the boys let out. “Bobby identified them?” She whispers, horrified at what that boy would have had to go through. 

Her dad swallows, nodding slowly. “He was their bandmate, their friend so after he was informed, they asked if he could. I picked him and your mom up after, and he had to stay with us for a while because he was in such a bad state.” He tells her, rubbing his knuckles. 

“We were friend’s with him for a few years. In the first few months he moved in with us, because…” he hesitated again, looking around before continuing. “Bobby was officially diagnosed with depression a couple months after their deaths, and he’d attempted to hurt himself before.” 

“He tried to kill himself?” Julie asks softly, glancing at the boys. They each looked devastated by the news. 

Her dad nods softly. “Yeah, he had to move in with us so we could watch him, and help him as best we could. He did have good days but it was hard. He had to go to each of their funerals, and it was difficult for him to carry on some days. It was like the world just weighed him down.” 

“Did you know who the guys were when you first saw them?” She questions quietly. 

He shakes his head at her question. “Not at first. I’d only seen one photo of them before, and it’d been so long ago. But once you introduced them and told me their stories, I’d realised. Bobby talked about them, and we’d listened to their demo but I hadn’t remembered until I saw them.”

She reaches for the envelope, pulling out the news article. “This was Bobby and mom, wasn’t it?” She asks, even though she already had a feeling it’s true. 

Her dad takes the newspaper clipping, sighing shakily. “Yeah,” he whispers, eyes gazing off distantly. “The other car had run a stop sign. Bobby had been the one who was driving and when he saw the car coming, he turned the car so his side took most of the impact.” 

“He saved mom.” She whispers, reaching for her dad’s hand, tears gathering in her eyes. Bobby saved her mom’s life, so she could live to have a family. 

He chuckles wetly, coming back to himself. “Yeah, he did. Rose came out with a concussion and a broken arm but Bobby…” Ray cut off, bowing his head for a moment.

“Bobby had to undergo a major surgery. He’d gotten a concussion, and his leg had broken. He had some internal injuries, but the doctors hadn’t realised until it was too late that he had broken his ribs. They thought he’d just bruised them. One of his broken ribs had pierced his lung and his lung then collapsed.”

“He died.” Julie states, her voice quiet and withdrawn. Her words make Reggie flinch beside her, and Alex whine in distress. She doesn’t see Luke’s reaction. 

“After three days in the hospital. Rose was with him when he…” Her dads voice cracks, and his brings a hand up to his mouth, his eyes tearing up. 

Julie just moves closer to her dad, wrapping her arms around him. “He was our friend, and he died.” He stammers, sniffling. 

After a minute, her dad composes himself, clearing his throat and wiping his eyes.

“I’m sorry they had to find out this way.” He tells her, though she knows he’s talking to the guys. “When I realized who they were, I’d hoped he’d come back as well but if he thought they were gone, he might not have had a reason to stay.” 

Julie glances over at the guys when she hears the wounded sound come from Luke who had curled into himself, shaking a little. 

“I’m so sorry boys,” her dad says, tilting his head vaguely in their direction. “You know, he _really_ loved you guys.”

And the three ghosts just sit there in silence, their hearts broken beyond what can be repaired as the sun sets around them, basking them in glowing light to spite their grief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm sorry for the pain this chapter caused. 
> 
> I really wanted the way I staged Bobby's death in this fic to be a little different from some that I've read. in most, he seems to die from suicide and I didn't want him to die like that. 
> 
> I kinda wanted it to impact a little differently, because when he wrote 'Four of us' in the previous chapter, he was deciding that even though it was going to be immensely difficult, he was going to continue to live on for Alex, Luke, and Reggie because they didn't get to and then the choice was taken away from him. I wanted to reflect in the tragedy of his death, and the way it happened. 
> 
> Anyway, if you like this fic please leave a comment or a kudos. Love always :)


	9. Bobby Wilson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While the boys had been sad and mopey the last couple of days, they’d also been focused. Focused on finding out what had happened to Bobby after his death. They’d been looking everywhere, spending days searching old places bobby used to visit and hang around. 
> 
> Unfortunately, they’d had no luck. 
> 
> \--
> 
> Or; Julie and her Phantoms find out someone else has a connection to Bobby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a while for me to write, not because I didn't know what I wanted to do but because I had no idea how I was going to end this fic. 
> 
> But, here you go. No chapter notes for this one. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

The mood in the studio had been somber and sad the last couple of days since the guys had found out about what happened to Bobby, not that she could blame them, it was a lot to take in. 

After her dad had finished telling them what had happened to Bobby after their deaths, he’d gone to his room for a while, his body language giving away how bad he was feeling. Her dad had been a little more sensitive around the guys, and her. 

Julie thinks it’s because of the details he’d had to share with them, how horrible and depressing they were. He was probably afraid she’d have a setback and close down again. But he was wrong, Julie was more motivated than anything to help her ghosts. 

While the boys had been sad and mopey the last couple of days, they’d also been focused. Focused on finding out what had happened to Bobby after his death. They’d been looking everywhere, spending days searching old places bobby used to visit and hang around. 

Unfortunately, they’d had no luck. They were strongly denying that Bobby had moved on. 

Julie was doing some songwriting with Luke, trying to take his mind off the search and give him an outlet for his hurt. It was working, Luke had been scribbling down melodies and lyrics with Julie for about an hour now. 

Julie knew Reggie was out right now, most likely sitting on the beach watching the sunset. He’d been doing that a lot more recently, just hanging out at the beach near his old house. 

Alex was up in the loft, just adding some finishing touches to their bedroom space. They’d mostly got it set up, with a large bed in the corner and a dresser with enough draws for them. They still had some tiny side draws to take up but none of them had the energy to focus enough to take it up the stairs. 

Alex had decorated the space with strings of fairy lights hanging over the bed, with all the polaroid’s hung on the wall. He’d added some fake plants and some band posters to make it less plain. The space looked beautiful, especially once the polaroids went up, the room littered with memories of Bobby. 

Julie looked up from her notebook at the sound of a ghost poofing into the studio, spotting Reggie and Willie, who she’d recently been introduced to. They’d all been shocked that Julie could also see Willie, but they’d gotten over it pretty quickly, becoming fast friends. She loved Willie like she loved her boys, and that had made it easy for Willie to find a place in their little family. 

“Hey, look who I found at the beach,” Reggie announces, bringing Luke’s attention away from the songbook. Alex looks over the railing of the loft, waving down at Willie. 

“Hey,” Luke greets, smiling a little. “How you been, man?” 

Julie tunes out their conversation, turning to Reggie to silently ask if he’s okay. She’s only a little satisfied by the reassuring nod and smile he gives her in return. 

Julie turns back to Willie and Luke, noticing that Alex has come down and is now chatting happily with the guys. 

Alex interrupts Luke telling Willie about a song he was working on. “Hey Willie, do you mind helping move something up to the loft? We haven’t exactly been focused enough to pick it up.” 

“Yeah, sure,” Willie answers, dropping his board and helmet on a stray box next to him. “How’s that coming along, by the way?”

“It’s been good.” Julie contributes. “It’s almost all set up and decorated. Just those draws need to go up there and it’ll be done.” She tells him, reclining back on her seat. 

“Alright, where do you guys want it?” Willie asks, picking up the small bedside draws. 

“Just beside the bed, please,” Alex tells him, smiling gratefully. 

Willie nods in confirmation, taking the draws up the steps. “Hey, it looks great up here.” He calls down before the thump of the draws being set down fills the studio. 

“Thanks!” Alex responds happily, being the one who mostly designed and decorated the space. 

“Yeah, I really like the fairy lights. Nice touch.” Julie hears Willie say, watching Alex preen happily. 

He turns to Reggie and Luke, poking out his tongue childishly. “See, the fairy lights were a nice touch.”

“We never said they weren’t.” Luke rises to Alex’s bait, pouting grumpily and huffing. 

“Well… we kinda did.” Reggie draws, earning a playful betrayed look from Luke who reaches over to push him off the side of the couch. 

“Traitor.” Luke huffs, but the twitching of his lips betray him. 

Julie turns when she hears Willie coming down the stairs, about to say something about the guy's being children when she sees he’s got one of the polaroids in his hand. 

He’s got a strange look on his face, like he’s confused but curious. He flips to polaroid so she can see it’s the one of the boys after their book club gig in 1994. He’s got the boy's attention now; they’re watching him with perplexed expressions on their faces. She’s about to ask Willie what’s wrong, but before she can he knocks the air out of her with a question of his own. 

“You guys knew Bobby?” He questions, face still curiously confused. The boys go deadly still beside her, silent and barely breathing. 

“What?” Reggie whispers, sharing a shocked look with Alex and Luke.

“You guys knew Bobby? He died a few years after you guys did.” Willie explains, now looking confused at the shocked but hopeful expressions of the guys. 

“He was our best friend, our bandmate. We loved him.” Luke whispers but with how silent the studio has gone everyone can hear him clearly. “How do you know him?” He asks Willie a little desperately, moving to stand. 

“Wait, you guys were the bandmates who died?” Willie gasps, surprised. “This makes so much sense now.”

“Wh-what does?” Alex questions, looking between Luke and Reggie again. He, as well as Reggie and Julie, also move to stand. 

“I just never put it together. How you died, who you were. Bobby never told me much.” Willie brings a hand up to cover his mouth, more out of shock than anything else. 

“I met Bobby after he died in 1997. Caleb tried to recruit him into the club but he refused to play without his bandmates. He left to search for you guys but we stayed in contact.” Willie explains, looking between each of them. Luke had taken Alex and Reggie’s hand, clutching them with a hopeful expression on his face. 

“He never told me any details about you guys, just that you all died and that he loved you,” Willie says, running a hand through his long locks. “We’re friends but we’re not as close as you guys, I see him every once in a while, and we hang out.” 

“Do you- do you know where he is?” Alex trembles slightly, clutching both his boy's hand tighter. 

“Not right now,” Willie confesses, lips turned down, making each of the boys deflate sadly. “But I can find him for you.” 

This brightens them up, looking grateful and hopefully at Willie, Luke’s puppy eyes becoming prominent in the middle.

“You can find him?” Julie questions Willie before he falls prisoner to those big blue eyes. “How long do you think it’ll take?” 

Willie turns to her, smiling gently at her. “I think I can find him; it might just take a few days. He has a few places in LA he likes to visit, so I’ll check those places.”

Willie turns to pick his board and helmet up, holding them in his hands while he turns to the guys. “I’ll find him, I promise.” He professes before he puts his helmet on, dropping his board and skating out of the studio. 

Willie’s only been gone a few seconds before Reggie gasps a sob, folding into Luke and Alex’s arms. “He’s here, he’s okay.” He keeps muttering over his sobs. Reggie in turn sets of Luke, who also starts crying, burrowing his face into Alex’s neck. 

They stay like that for a minute or two, before Alex suddenly lets out a wet laugh. Reggie and Luke pull back to look at him in confusion, sharing looks of concern. “Oh my god, he’s here. He’s a ghost. We can see him again.” 

Each of the boys then start laughing in joy, still crying but laughing, because their missing piece has been found, they get to reunite with the boy they love. 

And Julie can’t help it, her eyes watering as she lets out her own joyful laugh. Luke reaches over, pulling her into the hug as well. “Why are you crying?” He teases her through his own tears.

“You guys get to be together again.” She sobs happily because she is. Not only for her boys but for Bobby who gets to be happy again. “Bobby gets to come home.” 

And right there, in the center of their studio, while they hold onto each other, she swears she can feel a piece of each of their broken hearts mending back together. 

Unfortunately, it takes a while for Willie to get back to them. 

A few days go by, and the guys are antsy, continuously checking the door and pacing the length of the studio. Then a few days become a week and they become anxious and panicked. 

Julie’s been non-stop trying to calm them down, pulling them into writing sessions and practice, or just hanging out watching a movie but their nervousness has started to rub off on her and she's also become worried. 

She wonders if Wille can’t find him, if Bobby’s disappeared again, if Bobby’s no longer a ghost, if, if, if. 

Finally on the eighth day, as Julie is hanging in the studio, trying to complete her homework, the sound of a ghost poofing into the studio startles them all. 

They all jump up from their spots on the couch and floor, hurrying to their feet. Julie just manages to stifle a laugh as Luke trips on his way up, stumbling into Reggie. 

“Willie!” Julie exclaims happily, watching said ghost put down his board and take off his helmet. 

When he finishes fixing his hair, he turns and then flinches back at the four no doubt eager, hopeful expressions all watching him. He breathes a nervous laugh, running a hand through his hair. 

“I found him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is it. This is the end of 'But I Think I'm Lost Without You'. I really hope you guys liked this fic, and for those of you who did like it, don't worry, this is going to be a series and you will find out what happens with Bobby. 
> 
> As usual, please leave a comment or a kudos if you can, I always appreciate it. :)
> 
> Thank you for reading.


End file.
